posted 01-02-2001 01:55 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by actsoblonde:
None of my boyfriends (past and present) have ever told me I'm fat or need to lose weight. My best friend's not even fat and her boyfriend kept telling her she needed lose weight and so now she's turned anorexic. Why does weight matter so much?? Shouldn't personality win out???

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Weight matters in regards to being healthy. It is not healty to be very overweight or very underweight.

posted 01-02-2001 02:00 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by actsoblonde:
None of my boyfriends (past and present) have ever told me I'm fat or need to lose weight. My best friend's not even fat and her boyfriend kept telling her she needed lose weight and so now she's turned anorexic. Why does weight matter so much?? Shouldn't personality win out???

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Of course it should, but we've got a culture in which starving, waif-like women are held up as the standard of beauty. Add to that our famous men who pay lip service to humor and personality, yet cite Pamela Anderson and Kate Moss as their "ideal."

It's no wonder women are, in general, so damned unhappy with themselves. I don't know about you, but I could never measure up to that sort of standard. Luckily, I opted out of that game years ago. A word of warning--opting out comes with the sad knowledge that you will likely not be attractive to men who can "have it all." Sure, they're missing out, but it does sting a bit at first.

posted 01-02-2001 02:10 PM            

That's just my opinion, I could be wrong.

posted 01-02-2001 02:11 PM            

so one day, i asked her. she told me she weighed about 300 pounds and had her stomach stapled. i was like wow. i could not believe it. she told me she has the stomach the size of a golf ball and if she eats too much she will throw up. i asked her what she can eat at one sitting. she said something probably something the size of half of an apple.

i was like, good lawd that is horrible. who the hell wants to be 70 years old and eat half an apple for breakfast/lunch/dinner.

i thought it was gross.

the singer in wilson philps, carnie wilson had the same surgery, so did roseanne. i dont think people should do something this desparate. but i guess if they are so big that they cant do anything about it, then maybe it is okay. I dont really think this type of thing is healthy.

anyway,
i have a friend who wants to lose 50 lbs. the thing is she wants to lose it to become super skinny. she is one of those people that wants to starv herself but she cant do it because she gets mirgranes.

she has told me about 2 or 3 times that she wants to get this stomach thing done. i was like there is no way in hell a doctor is gonna let you do it, you're not obese. you are chubby, if you exerice it will be gone.

so i told her that if she went ahead and did the surgery, her doctor already said no, but you know that some people dont care and will let you do things, that i would not have any respect for her.

i have known her for 15 years and its sad that she wants to have surgery to control what she eats. i told her you know what, the surgery is just controlled starvation. its a quick fix. why would you want to do it. there is a health risk. this procedure is for people who weight like 300 + pounds.what is your problem.

you know what she said, because she would be able to date more. i was like you have lost your freakin mind.

grow up and put down the folk and walk.

posted 01-02-2001 02:17 PM            

As I posted in another thread, if a woman is obese, who is on her bulletin board or stuck on the refrigerator with a magnet: Ricky Martin or the before pictures of that Jared guy from the Subway commercials?

Sad, sad, sad, but true. People judge based on appearance, but it's not just guys. Take it from somebody who used to weigh in at 225... when I dropped to 170, it was a whole new world.

People are superficial, and all we can do is try to rise above it as individuals. We can't change human nature, just our own behavior.

posted 01-02-2001 02:25 PM            

1. Your friend's boyfriend is an ass.

2. Your friend is a complete dumbass.

Her problem is of her own making. She values the relationship with a dork more than she values her own health.

As long as she falls for assholes, she'll be in for one form of misery or another.

posted 01-02-2001 02:27 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by actsoblonde:
My friend's REALLY scaring me. She went all day today without eating ANYTHING, and hardly drank anything. Not only is she gonna get dehydrated if she doesn't drink, but if she's really serious about not eating than she'll end up in the hospital. I already called her boyfriend and had a long, serious discussion about him not being considerate of her feelings, and what she's doing to try and please him. He laughed and said, "Good for her. That's my girl." I almost vomited because I was so disgusted with him. What a total jerk! I called MY boyfriend and told them what she was doing and he agreed that I have to do SOMETHING. What a complete sweetie! Anyway, I can't FORCE food down her throat. I'm at a complete loss. I keep telling her she's NOT fat, because she really ISN'T. She just THINKS she is because that what her jerky boyfriend keeps telling her. Does anyone have any suggestions if you've been in an situation like this one?? PLEASE HELP!!!! I'm REALLY scared for her!!! I'm BEGGING you!!

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My suggestion honestly is to contact a counseling center, hospital, to get advice. Intervention doesn't seem to always work for eating disorder cases. She needs to realize she has a problem, just hearing it from you will simply go in one ear and out the other. Ask a professional what they suggest. Eating disorders are usually more a result of depression or feeling of loss of control in one's life. And it certainly doesn't help that her boyfriend is a prick. Something needs to be done about him as well...

posted 01-02-2001 02:33 PM            

is her idea of eating all day drinking water and eating a bowl of oatmeal or ceral(someone i know did this trick)

how small is she.

when a person does not change, then it will take someone famous to die that she identifies with or she will have to end up in the hospital. then again karen carpenter had people who loved her and wanted to help her, but it just didnt work.

quote:

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Originally posted by actsoblonde:
My friend's REALLY scaring me. She went all day today without eating ANYTHING, and hardly drank anything. Not only is she gonna get dehydrated if she doesn't drink, but if she's really serious about not eating than she'll end up in the hospital. I already called her boyfriend and had a long, serious discussion about him not being considerate of her feelings, and what she's doing to try and please him. He laughed and said, "Good for her. That's my girl." I almost vomited because I was so disgusted with him. What a total jerk! I called MY boyfriend and told them what she was doing and he agreed that I have to do SOMETHING. What a complete sweetie! Anyway, I can't FORCE food down her throat. I'm at a complete loss. I keep telling her she's NOT fat, because she really ISN'T. She just THINKS she is because that what her jerky boyfriend keeps telling her. Does anyone have any suggestions if you've been in an situation like this one?? PLEASE HELP!!!! I'm REALLY scared for her!!! I'm BEGGING you!!

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posted 01-02-2001 02:35 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by AsRiaL:
Men love fatter women in other countries their idea of beautiful is totally different from ours.

One mans Oprah Winfrey is another mans Cindy Crawford. You just gotta look for the right guy. And hope that you think of him as Ben Affleck rather then Danny Devito. heh

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Right on, Asrial. Funny, but if you look at movies made in the 1930s, the women look... well... chunky. Same for models.

Artists have chosen voluptuous women for ages, which is why certain body types are considered "ruebenesque" or a person knows immediately what you mean when you say, "she's built like a bodicelli".

Anyway, a friend of mine had a theory about the larger women of the 1930s... he figured that since it was the depression, most women were skinny, and therefore, men wanted larger women because they didn't see them all the time.

It would tend to make sense: people tend to ascribe an exotic and unattainable aspect to beauty.

If we see it every day, it's less beautiful, somehow. In a nation that's insanely obese, we just don't find large women to be that exotic looking.

But the main point Asrial is making is 100% right: for every dork who is putting down the babies with back, there's a guy out there who probably thinks your friend is attractive.

posted 01-02-2001 02:37 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by SeaAvery:
This thread made me think of something interesting. If Marilyn Monroe were around today I think she would be considered overweight by hollywood's standards. It amazes me.

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Hard tellin'. She was smaller than Kate Winslett. She really wasn't that big. I bet Pamela Lee is the same size.

Interesting trivia... you know how dress makers increase sizes every year? (Because god knows a woman who wears a size 5 wouldn't be caught dead in a size 6, no matter how it looked... but they'd gladly buy a size 4).

posted 01-02-2001 02:44 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by actsoblonde:
My friend's REALLY scaring me. She went all day today without eating ANYTHING, and hardly drank anything. Not only is she gonna get dehydrated if she doesn't drink, but if she's really serious about not eating than she'll end up in the hospital. I already called her boyfriend and had a long, serious discussion about him not being considerate of her feelings, and what she's doing to try and please him. He laughed and said, "Good for her. That's my girl." I almost vomited because I was so disgusted with him. What a total jerk! I called MY boyfriend and told them what she was doing and he agreed that I have to do SOMETHING. What a complete sweetie! Anyway, I can't FORCE food down her throat. I'm at a complete loss. I keep telling her she's NOT fat, because she really ISN'T. She just THINKS she is because that what her jerky boyfriend keeps telling her. Does anyone have any suggestions if you've been in an situation like this one?? PLEASE HELP!!!! I'm REALLY scared for her!!! I'm BEGGING you!!

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posted 01-02-2001 02:49 PM            

i for one am a MM fan. I love her movies. let me just tell ya this. Elizabeth hurley actually said that if she was as fat as MM she would kill herself.

I lost some much respect for hurley after she said that..... i was like who the hell are you. MM is an Icon, you better hope people give a rats ass about you.

quote:

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Originally posted by SeaAvery:
This thread made me think of something interesting. If Marilyn Monroe were around today I think she would be considered overweight by hollywood's standards. It amazes me.

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posted 01-02-2001 02:50 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by quetee:
i for one am a MM fan. I love her movies. let me just tell ya this. Elizabeth hurley actually said that if she was as fat as MM she would kill herself.

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Elizabeth Hurley is just jealous that Marilyn had all those husbands but none of them were ever "serviced" by a hooker in a parked car.

posted 01-02-2001 02:56 PM            

I thought I would do this by either A) lose 30 pounds, or B) learn to accept myself and be happy the way I am.

I couldn't make up my mind. I thought that if I lost the weight, I'd be happy and look better, but then I would feel shallow and like a "beauty standard sell-out"... because the only reason I would feel happier then is because people would perceive me as sexy or attractive and that's just pure vanity. Part of me wants to make people realize that there's so much more to women than how they look.

Anyway, I struggled with it for a long time, wondering what to do. Then a very wise friend of mine said, "Split the difference. Lose 15 and like yourself."

So that's my plan. 15 pounds will still keep me about 15 overweight by Cosmo magazine standards, which basically means "normal" to the rest of us. My clothes will fit better but I won't feel like a sell-out because I won't be shooting for Calista Flockhart-esque underweight.

posted 01-02-2001 02:56 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by backgroundgrrl:
E. Hurley dropped to the bottom of my list of actresses when she walked across the picket line earlier this year. As a SAG actress I really felt that her actions made the entire strike weaker.

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posted 01-02-2001 03:00 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Falcon:
She did? What film was that for?

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Commerical for Estee Lauder, I think. She got a huge fine for it, but I can carry a grudge like nobody's business.

posted 01-02-2001 03:04 PM            

Thats kind of sad that Ms. Hurley said that. what kind of message does that send.

Falcon-

Interesting little trivia there. Yeah I had heard somewhere that Marilyn Monroe was alot skinnier then she appeared.

posted 01-02-2001 03:53 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by quetee:
acts,
what does she eat all day, does she skip everyday or no.

is her idea of eating all day drinking water and eating a bowl of oatmeal or ceral(someone i know did this trick)

how small is she.

when a person does not change, then it will take someone famous to die that she identifies with or she will have to end up in the hospital. then again karen carpenter had people who loved her and wanted to help her, but it just didnt work.

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She just started today and hasn't eaten ANYTHING since last night at dinner. She only drinks water, and just barely that. She's a size 2.

posted 01-02-2001 03:55 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by backgroundgrrl:
Does she have parents that she will listen to? If so, can you call them and explain the situation?

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Both her parents are dead.

posted 01-02-2001 05:02 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by actsoblonde:

Both her parents are dead.

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Oof. I guess telling her she is going to join her parents soon if she doesn't shape up wouldn't work too well.

Does she have anyone (besides her loser boyfriend) whose opinion is important to her? Can you talk to her doctor?

This is very difficult because she is not seeing herself the way she really is.

Maybe all you can do is be there to call an ambulance when she collapses.

I used to work in an office where I was one of the few who didn't make myself puke after each meal. One girl told me when I was pregnant not to eat more than three fat grams per day.

posted 01-02-2001 05:07 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by quetee:
seaavery,

i for one am a MM fan. I love her movies. let me just tell ya this. Elizabeth hurley actually said that if she was as fat as MM she would kill herself.

I lost some much respect for hurley after she said that..... i was like who the hell are you. MM is an Icon, you better hope people give a rats ass about you.

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posted 01-02-2001 05:10 PM            

I thought the same thing last year, "If I lose weight I'll be happy." I lost thrity pounds and I still don't feel I look any better....

posted 01-02-2001 05:13 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by backgroundgrrl:
Oof. I guess telling her she is going to join her parents soon if she doesn't shape up wouldn't work too well.

Does she have anyone (besides her loser boyfriend) whose opinion is important to her? Can you talk to her doctor?

This is very difficult because she is not seeing herself the way she really is.

Maybe all you can do is be there to call an ambulance when she collapses.

I used to work in an office where I was one of the few who didn't make myself puke after each meal. One girl told me when I was pregnant not to eat more than three fat grams per day.

Anyway, one girl who was so small that her size two clothes hung on her like she was a scarecrow had a stroke at work. Luckily for her I was taking a first responder class and recognized the symptoms and called an ambulance for her. She was only 21 years and she had permanant effects from that stroke. She was not only vomiting after every meal, she was using laxatives also.

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posted 01-02-2001 05:52 PM            

Remember, though, that all you can really do is try to point her in the right direction and see that she's in a very bad place (especially considering her near-criminally evil boyfriend, who's probably doing his share to turn things upside down for her). Seriously, good luck. I'll be thinking about you.

As to your original query about why men seem to prefer thin women, let me answer a question with a question: why do women like tall men...not just tall women, but very short ones too? (I'm 5'5" and I feel like anyone under 5'2" is "mine"...but they don't seem to agree!) For that matter, what's with guys' obsession with breast size or certain buttock and leg sizes/shapes; or why do men seem to get more attractive to women if they're rich, successful, or just excessively confident?

Life is unfair and, it seems to me, were all about equally screwed up by the confluence of biology and social psychology that causes us to be attracted to certain types. As individuals, what are supposed to do about it? Date people who are unattractive to us? I don't think many of us are ready to make that kind of sacrifice for the sake of a more fair universe.

posted 01-02-2001 09:08 PM            

The biggest irony of the women's movement is that rather than destroy the image of women as sex objects, they've simply elevated men to that same dilemma.

posted 01-02-2001 09:43 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by cmclippe:
For what it's worth, you women should feel the joy of sweet revenge. I just finished a book called THE ADNOIS COMPLEX, which chronicles the growing tide of young men in America with body-image problems. It follows the Barbie-like evolution of GI JOE, and the whole new industry growing up around men's beauty.

The biggest irony of the women's movement is that rather than destroy the image of women as sex objects, they've simply elevated men to that same dilemma.

I'm all for it. It's biology at work. Obesity is not a trait anyone wants to pass onto their children. And let's face it, we're a nation where the greater problem isn't too many skinny women, but a population that in general is thirty-to-forty pounds overweight.

I think you're out of line blaming guys for the problem completely. After all, it's you women who support the supermodel industry (how many straight guys read VOGUE, after all?). The blame is a two-way street, and as Falcon pointed out, women are just as quick to judge a man on physical appearance as vice-versa.

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While I do concede that it's a two way street, blame-wise, I disagree that women are "just as quick to judge." Not true--not in a general sense. Women are often more likely to look beyond appearance in potential mates. I also disagree that this is "biology at work"--no it isn't. It's culture at work--were it biology at work, men would be attracted to shorter women with broader hips and heavier thighs. After all, successful breeding is the biological goal, right? Many of the women touted as "beautiful" haven't the body fat to maintain menstruation--hardly attractive on the biological front.

And I get no joy from the idea of boys/men hammering themselves to reach some unrealistic ideal--I find that sad, just as the idea of girls/women starving themselves saddens me.

Glad to see you posting!

posted 01-02-2001 10:03 PM            

Really though, I do believe our national obsession with weight is legitimate. Face it, we're pigs. Just take a stroll through any American Shopping Mall. It's appaulling. We're too fat.

I do think the extremes a few men and women go to in the quest to be thin are awful. But by and large (no pun intended), they are a pitifully small number compared to the legions of Americans who are literally obese.