posted 01-03-2001 11:12 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by trawma:
Right here--I haven't purchased (or even perused) Cosmo, Vogue, Glamour, etc. in well over 16 years. Not one of my friends read that garbage, either. The advice is atrocious, the writing insulting, and the pictures a mere visual expression of that.

Kris

---

posted 01-03-2001 11:17 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by catsociald:
Just a warning: women naturally have more fat (it has to do with childbirth and whatnot) and this fat is what gives them curves, breasts, ghetto booty, you know things that make women attractive. I like women with a little meat on their bones. That's all I'm saying

---

posted 01-03-2001 11:18 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Falcon:
But the issue isn't what you, personally, buy. Surely you can see that men are not buying Vogue, Glamour, or Cosmo.

---

It is the issue, because by buying those magazines we're perpetuating the myth of female perfection. We can't be responsible for the way men think about women -- we can only clean up the way we think about ourselves.

posted 01-03-2001 11:19 AM            

Yes, but you're obviously distraught. You've missed both work and school. It is affecting your life very deeply, and you're hanging on to this like a pit bull on a pork chop.

I'm not saying there's anything WRONG with you, but just that couseling wouldn't be the worst thing you could look into right now.

And just as you can't see why you should talk to anybody, she's thinking the same thing.

As Stuart Smalley once said, "De Nile isn't just a river in Egypt."

This day has really worn me out--me rushing to be with my friend 24/7. Oh, well. That's what best friends are supposed to do--be there for each other.

Wow, a honest to goodness, living, breathing co-dependant. Okay, that's harsh. How about this though: friends are supposed to act in their friends' best interest. Sometimes that means NOT rushing over to be with somebody 24/7 while they publicly, loudly, and irrationally self-destruct.

Right now, she's not only being stupid, but she's unrepentant and determined.

posted 01-03-2001 11:20 AM            

i dont care how tall you are or what... anyone who wears a size 2 and still has issues, really needs a weekly visit to the couch doctor and In and Out.

quote:

---

Originally posted by ilise:
Some stuff about film and clothing history:

Marilyn was a size 16, but they changed the size scales in the late sixties so that's the equivalent to a modern 8-10. Zaftig, but not fat.

It seems to me as a film scholar, voluptous babe and colector of vintage clothing that the until the latter half of this century clothing was designed to reflect and enhance the natural shape of women's bodies (guess what Calvin Klein, we have hips and boobs), rather than the other way around. It was less sexist in a way since it realistically dealt with and exalted the actual female form.

It's not since the reign of the corset in the Victorian era that women have been expected to so dramatically modify their bodies to fit clothing (i.e, all the spandex, hip hugger, baby t-shirt, Friends crap floating around). Fashion seems to be inversely proportional to the amount of actual power women wield in society. The more we are on the rise socially, politically, financially, etc, the more we see sexualized children and "waifs" (e.g., Britney Spears et al, Calista Flockhart) placed on a pedestal as the female ideal. Sexist, you bet, and are most of these decisions made by men, yes on that count too...but on the other hand (and this is my major concern about weight and self-image), until we as women start rejecting these notions and start embracing a healthier, more realistic, more diverse idea of beauty we will continue to victimize ourselves.

Modern Day Glamour Girl,
The Lady I

---

posted 01-03-2001 11:28 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Falcon:
Wow, a honest to goodness, living, breathing co-dependant. Okay, that's harsh. How about this though: friends are supposed to act in their friends' best interest. Sometimes that means NOT rushing over to be with somebody 24/7 while they publicly, loudly, and irrationally self-destruct.

Right now, she's not only being stupid, but she's unrepentant and determined.

---

Yeah. My friend's always been a VERY stubborn and determined person. I guess I should've seen this problem coming years ago when she kept saying "If I were smaller than a size 2, I could wear this adorable outfit" or "Guys would like me a lot more if I were smaller than a size 2. I'm just SOOOOOOOOOO FAT." My friend's always been like that, but this is the first time she's actually DONE something about it. She just called me a minute ago and said she had this really painful migraine. I was like, "'Probably because you haven't eaten anything in 2 days and because you're dehydrated. Go eat and drink something!'" She like, totally freaked on me when i said that. She goes, "'No WAY! Are you completely INSANE?!!'" and than hangs up. I wanted to say, "'No, but you are.'" I refrained from that, though.

posted 01-03-2001 11:31 AM            

I can't tell you how many times I've felt my responsability, as a good friend, to help out, but only to realize I was making it worse. Nobody else but they themselves can do something that'll make them good; but we can certainly do more harm when we "intervene" at the wrong time.

I know it's hard, cause believe me, it hurts like hell, because I wanted to help, and they obviously didn't; but you finally come to realize that all they need is a little space, and just knowing that you're there, and will be there, when they're ready.

Sometimes, worrying for them 24/7 and calling them when there has been a misunderstanding is worse than just waiting it out. See? After not talking to you for a while, she still called you to let you know what her boyfriend told her. She just wants you to listen, she just wants to know that you're there.

But you've also got to understand that when people are faced with these sort of problems, they tend to think that NOBODY but them understands what they're going through, so NOBODY can help them. That is hard to accept, as a good friend, but it is the reality. YOU don't know what she's going through inside, so in her mind, you can't do anything to help her.

And I know it's hard waiting for HER to call, instead of you finding out if she's okay or not; but believe me, it's the best thing you can do. She'll call; she'll let you know what's going on. And she, herself, and only by herself, will realize the chaos she is creating and will come out of it. And you'll be there to pull her out, but only when she lifts her arm looking for your hand.

This is just my experience, so you can disregard it at will.

posted 01-03-2001 11:32 AM            

WHen Cameron Diaz first came out, I thought she was really pretty. Her first was movie Mask. If its ever on Tv make sure to watch it. you will be shocked at how healthy and pretty cameron diaz use to be.

now she is a stick. She was so skinny in THere is something about mary, i thought i was gonna throw up. She majorly lost her looks.

there is no way someone who is 5-10 should weigh 119 lbs... that is way .... too small.

I think people like catherine zeta jones is pretty because she doesnt look too skinny to me. she is beautiful. Same thing with Angelina jolie.

another thing,
this issues will never go away, because the tv networks do not want to put slightly overweight woman on tv in lead roles. they always have to be the friend.

if you put in some old tapes from alot of tv shows, more than half those people on the show would never work now. Its a shame. I recall when Delta burke got a look of crap for gaining some weight. Some of you might not agree with me, but I still think Delta is a pretty woman.

posted 01-03-2001 11:54 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by actsoblonde:
My friend called me--AGAIN. I wouldn't mind if she'd call because she wanted help or to have a normal conversation about something, but she calls because she's in pain from not eating and drinking. This time, however, she called because she'd weighed herself and said she'd only lost 3 pounds, and that "it's not working quick enough. Brett (that's her boyfriend) is going to break up with me if I don't do something about this fast." I tried to tell her that Brett's a loser and she doesn't need him, but this TOTALLY shocked me. "I'm trying bulimia now." my friend says. I was like, "WHAT?!" Bulimia's worse than anorexia!! I told her if she continues to make herself vomit than she may not be able to ever have kids (this is a VERY true statement, I read it in a health magazine). She was like, "Well, if it keeps me with Brett than I don't care." than she just hangs up. Great. Now she's BULIMIC. Really great.

---

Actso... first, I wouldn't worry. Your friend doesn't sound very serious about this. She's in full-blown drama queen mode.

If she had an eating disorder, she wouldn't be calling you every 2 minutes to draw attention to it. I may be off base on this, but most people with eating disorders tend to keep relatively quiet about it.

Sounds more like your friend is in a mad fit of drama, and just needs the whole world to know that she'd just give anything to be with that wonderful misunderstood great guy she's seeing.

She needs help. She wants your attention. She knows you've been running around telling everybody about her plight.

She's just selectively releasing things to you for publication. It's not only pathetic, but its pretty transparent.

3 pounds? Cripes, she could lose that much with 20 minutes in a sauna.

Okay... your friend is playing you. She's having a pretty good time doing it. She's obviously loving and craving the attention.

But very little you've said points to an eating disorder.

Mostly it points to a sad, pathetic, loser little drama queen child who needs to have the crap slapped out of her.

Get her into couseling, or get yourself into counseling.

posted 01-03-2001 11:57 AM            

Clearly she needs help, but I know from experience you're in no position to provide the kind of help she needs. My advice, help her by not helping her. From your description it sounds like, whether she knows it consciously or not, she is satisfied by the attention the self-inflicted physical and boyfriend inflicted emotional abuse gets her. If I were you I would help her by not helping her. Tell her to either get help or quit bothering you with it otherwise you validate and perpetuate the behavior.

This is bigger than your good intentions,
Lady I

PS I just noticed that Falcon and I are on the same page on this one...tell her to give it a rest. Even if she really has a problem part of adulthood is accepting the fact that you can't fix everyone and every thing.

quote:

---

Originally posted by actsoblonde:
My friend called me--AGAIN. I wouldn't mind if she'd call because she wanted help or to have a normal conversation about something, but she calls because she's in pain from not eating and drinking. This time, however, she called because she'd weighed herself and said she'd only lost 3 pounds, and that "it's not working quick enough. Brett (that's her boyfriend) is going to break up with me if I don't do something about this fast." I tried to tell her that Brett's a loser and she doesn't need him, but this TOTALLY shocked me. "I'm trying bulimia now." my friend says. I was like, "WHAT?!" Bulimia's worse than anorexia!! I told her if she continues to make herself vomit than she may not be able to ever have kids (this is a VERY true statement, I read it in a health magazine). She was like, "Well, if it keeps me with Brett than I don't care." than she just hangs up. Great. Now she's BULIMIC. Really great.

---

posted 01-03-2001 11:58 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by ilise:
This is bigger than your good intentions,
Lady I

---

Listen to the lady. She speaks the truth.

posted 01-03-2001 12:03 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by ilise:
I don't know how old you are, but you're friend sounds like she's going through adolescence.

Clearly she needs help, but I know from experience you're in no position to provide the kind of help she needs. My advice, help her by not helping her. From your description it sounds like, whether she knows it consciously or not, she is satisfied by the attention the self-inflicted physical and boyfriend inflicted emotional abuse gets her. If I were you I would help her by not helping her. Tell her to either get help or quit bothering you with it otherwise you validate and perpetuate the behavior.

This is bigger than your good intentions,
Lady I

PS I just noticed that Falcon and I are on the same page on this one...tell her to give it a rest. Even if she really has a problem part of adulthood is accepting the fact that you can't fix everyone and every thing.

[This message has been edited by ilise (edited 01-03-2001).]

---

posted 01-03-2001 12:04 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Falcon:
Actso... first, I wouldn't worry. Your friend doesn't sound very serious about this. She's in full-blown drama queen mode.

If she had an eating disorder, she wouldn't be calling you every 2 minutes to draw attention to it. I may be off base on this, but most people with eating disorders tend to keep relatively quiet about it.

Sounds more like your friend is in a mad fit of drama, and just needs the whole world to know that she'd just give anything to be with that wonderful misunderstood great guy she's seeing.

She needs help. She wants your attention. She knows you've been running around telling everybody about her plight.

She's just selectively releasing things to you for publication. It's not only pathetic, but its pretty transparent.

3 pounds? Cripes, she could lose that much with 20 minutes in a sauna.

Okay... your friend is playing you. She's having a pretty good time doing it. She's obviously loving and craving the attention.

But very little you've said points to an eating disorder.

Mostly it points to a sad, pathetic, loser little drama queen child who needs to have the crap slapped out of her.

Get her into couseling, or get yourself into counseling.

If you think you're going to be the first person to teach a pig to sing, please keep giving us updates. I don't know what else I could possibly say to you, so I'll just wish you luck.

---

Thanks for the good luck wish. Believe me, I need all the good luck I can get.

posted 01-03-2001 12:05 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by actsoblonde:

My friend and I are both 24.

---

Well sounds like it's time for her to start acting like it...

posted 01-03-2001 12:07 PM            

Rush over to her friends' house and say, "Okay fatass. Want to be bulemic! let's go, because I'm so f***ing sick of your sh*t right now."

Drag her in the bathroom and scream, "now stick that finger down your throat and puke, porky! Everybody's tired of looking at your gigantic fat ass, including me. Now do something about it before I call Richard Simmons."

Then, if her friend hesitates, Actso should stick her finger down her friend's throat.

"Wanna puke! Hurry up. In fact, why not just drink some drano and kill yourself quickly, because you know what? I've got an exam tomorrow and I don't have enough time to watch your obese carcass wither away slowly."

Then, in a final fit of disgust to say, "Don't ever call me again, EVER! I don't know you. I don't want to know you. Anybody who cared about her friends wouldn't put them through what you've been putting me through. We're finished. Take your scrawny ass over to your loser ass boyfriend and have the shitty life you're determined to have. Drop me a postcard from the trailer park. Let me know how the wife beatings are going once things get that far, and they will. You don't deserve friends. Goodbye."

posted 01-03-2001 12:10 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by actsoblonde:

Thanks for the good luck wish. Believe me, I need all the good luck I can get.

---

Actually this reminds me of an ex-boyfriend...after I broke up with him he would call my best friend at college and threatened to kill himself -- constantly! Finally, she got so sick of it the next time he called she said "Hey, I'm kinda busy studying now, can I call back later?" he said fine and went on to something else...

posted 01-03-2001 12:12 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by actsoblonde:
My friend called. She said she's really in pain. Her head and stomach hurt. I asked her what she wanted me to do about it. She said she didn't know. I told her if she was just going to complain about something I couldn't do, than to quit calling me unless she needed a ride to the hospital or something. She yelled in a really sarcastic tone that she thought I was her best friend. I told her I was. She told me good friends care about each other. I told her I did, but that if she won't get help, than it's beyond my control. After that, she said she was going to puke and hung up on me.

---

Much better!!! Much better!!! Good job!!!

She'll call back.

Try this when she calls. In a nice calm tone, if she says she's hurting just say, "Hey, I'm going out for a bite. Wanna come with? You don't have to eat. You can have a diet coke. I think that's allowed in the anorexia diet handbook."

posted 01-03-2001 12:12 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by ilise:
Actually this reminds me of an ex-boyfriend...after I broke up with him he would call my best friend at college and threatened to kill himself -- constantly! Finally, she got so sick of it the next time he called she said "Hey, I'm kinda busy studying now, can I call back later?" he said fine and went on to something else...

Think about it,
Lady I

---

posted 01-03-2001 12:14 PM            

Buck up, blondie...you did the right thing. Besides you got a wedding to plan and if she wan't to help you pick out a caterer tell her to take a flying leap...

quote:

---

Originally posted by Falcon:
Lady, is it just me, or does it seem like the best thing would be for Actso to do this:

Rush over to her friends' house and say, "Okay fatass. Want to be bulemic! let's go, because I'm so f***ing sick of your sh*t right now."

Drag her in the bathroom and scream, "now stick that finger down your throat and puke, porky! Everybody's tired of looking at your gigantic fat ass, including me. Now do something about it before I call Richard Simmons."

Then, if her friend hesitates, Actso should stick her finger down her friend's throat.

"Wanna puke! Hurry up. In fact, why not just drink some drano and kill yourself quickly, because you know what? I've got an exam tomorrow and I don't have enough time to watch your obese carcass wither away slowly."

Then, in a final fit of disgust to say, "Don't ever call me again, EVER! I don't know you. I don't want to know you. Anybody who cared about her friends wouldn't put them through what you've been putting me through. We're finished. Take your scrawny ass over to your loser ass boyfriend and have the shitty life you're determined to have. Drop me a postcard from the trailer park. Let me know how the wife beatings are going once things get that far, and they will. You don't deserve friends. Goodbye."

Ah, it warms my heart just to think about a scene like that. Of course, it never happens in real life, but I think I just came up with a climactic scene for an after school special, "The Immature Shithead Who Cried 'bulemia'."

---

posted 01-03-2001 12:16 PM            

Oh man, where is Blair's number when I need it...

posted 01-03-2001 12:32 PM            

Absolutely--most anorexic/bulimic folks do all they can to hide the fact. I bald-facedly lied about it--looked my doctor in the face after 2 weeks of not eating (and subsequently collapsing) and insisted that I had eaten just the night before.

However, this girl's drama queen act may well do her damage. Even if attention is her goal, she may hurt herself in its pursuit. Plus, as I'm sure has been pointed out, her desperate need for this sort of attention is troubling. There are some serious self-esteem issues in play here.

I want to delve back into the Glamour/Cosmo/Vogue deal. Someone (I don't recall whom) stated that those aren't the problem because men don't read them. Let me tell you about my sister-in-law--she lives by those magazines. Ask her about anyone (female) she knows, and the first words out of her mouth are about their weight--you know, "Marnie's doing okay, I guess, but she's getting so FAT!" Ask her to describe someone (again, female) she's just met, and their weight is the first feature thrown out. If she's angry at someone, she attacks their weight. If she's unhappy with herself, it's her weight she cites as the reason. I have never had a conversation with this girl in which someone's weight didn't wind up being the topic. She defies all attempts to change the subject. So women reading that trash is just as damaging as men. Women carry those stupid pictures of "beauty" and "perfection" around in their heads, and they beat the hell out of themselves, and, sadly, others with them. Even women who "excuse" the weight of others are often far more harsh and demanding when looking at themselves.

posted 01-03-2001 12:35 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by actsoblonde:
Falcon, I tried your little technique about getting her to go someplace with me. When she called again, I asked if she was going to the beer bash tonight to celebrate mine and Clint's engagement. She said, "Beer? No thanks. Too fattening." I said "Well, just come because you're my best friend and you can talk to everyone else, okay?" She goes in a REALLY whiney voice, "But Brett won't be there!" I'm like, "Well, who's more important? Your best friend or some jerky guy?" She didn't know what to say to that, so she agreed. I'm gonna see if she sneaks a beer or something when I'm not watching. Y'all are right, she COULD just be doing this for attention, although I'd be REALLY shocked if she was. It's starting to point to nothing else but attention starved, though. We'll see what happens.

---

Niiice! That's the way.

Now, the next thing: don't persecute Brett. She knows you don't like him. When she brings him up, if you badmouth him, she sees it as a chance to hang on the cross a little bit. She wants the attention, remember?

So, instead of an exchange like:

Her: Oh, but Brett won't be there.

You: So? He's a jerk. Come hang with us.

You could try something like:

Her: Oh, but Brett won't be there.

You: Well, I think you could do better than him, anyways. (Your boyfriend's name) has friends that were asking about you, but hey, if you like Brett, that's your thing.

Right now, you're setting yourself up as an authority figure for her to rebel against.

If you don't oppose her, then she has nothing to rebel against.

If she says, "Beer's too fattening",

Say, "Drink water. even the hardcore anorexics drink water. No calories."

then, if she says something like, "Well... yeah, I'm anorexic... and I'm thinking of being bulemic", you can come back:

"Well, I don't think you should do it, but if you're determined..."

You're her friend, not her mother. If you disagree with something she's doing, there's nothing wrong with just saying, "Well, I think it's sorta dumb, but it's your life."

Good luck. You're on the right track. Make sure there's food around her at the beer bash.

posted 01-03-2001 12:35 PM            

But Falcon, the question was, "How many of you are refusing to buy these mags"--I answered. I am refusing. All of my friends are refusing.

posted 01-03-2001 12:36 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by trawma:
>>But the issue isn't what you, personally, buy. Surely you can see that men are not buying Vogue, Glamour, or Cosmo.<<

But Falcon, the question was, "How many of you are refusing to buy these mags"--I answered. I am refusing. All of my friends are refusing.

Kris

---

Ah, gotcha!

Get down with your bad self, girlfriend!

posted 01-03-2001 12:45 PM            

Don't be surprised if she doesn't talk specifically about why she's going haywire. Just getting her to talk about things in a rational manner is a good first step.

If the "anorexia/bulemia" stuff enters the conversation, just say, matter of factly and honestly, "Well, I don't see why you'd do it, but I can't stop you. You're an adult."

You may have a chance to work in things like, "someday you may want to have kids, and if you don't think the unconditional love of a child is something to look forward to, then more power to ya. But I sure wouldn't want to risk that."

Just speak to her rationally. Don't give her a chance to go off the deep end, and chances are she won't.

Good luck.

posted 01-03-2001 12:49 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by actsoblonde:
Uh, well, I got an, um, INTERESTING phone call from Brett. I guess that my friend's been telling him what I've been saying about him and how I'm trying to get her to eat and drink. So, Brett called me a few minutes ago yelling and carrying on, asking me why I was trying to interfere with my friend losing weight. I told him I didn't care if she lost weight, but she's going about it the wrong way. I told him now she's making herself vomit. Brett laughed when i said that. "Good for her. If she wants to be bulimic, let her. At least she won't be a cow anymore!" I cussed him out because I got so pissed, and than hung up on him. What a JERK!!!! He'd better be glad he was on the phone and is out of town for a week, otherwise I would beat his a**!!! Okay, I better calm myself down before this beer bash tonight.

---

Okay, Actso... more advice (god, I hate giving advice.)

Brett is not your friend. You have no obligation to even be polite to him.

Next time he calls, just say, "Brett, you're a disgusting human being."

Hang up.

End of story.

Your friend will call to give you some grief on this, and you just need to respond, "Look, I love you, you're my friend. Brett is not. I'm not making you chose between the two of us. If you want to see him, fine. I just don't need a guy like that in my life."

If she flies off the handle, just say, "I'll talk to you when you are ready to stop shouting" and hang up. Simple as that.

You're doing well. Keep it up.

posted 01-03-2001 12:51 PM            

But in a relationship that is also physical and hopefully long-term (even soul-mate stuff) weight could be a problem sometimes because:

1. Although I'm a well-read, creative man, I also maintain an active lifestyle. And would hope that this woman, this love of my life, would also be inclined to take care of herself physically. You know, the outdoors? Hiking, camping, skating, tennis, long walks along the beach, soccer, hang gliding (well, it could happen), skateboarding, jogging?

Indoors? Long, slow (can you handle an hour?)passionate lovemaking?

2. And a woman who's only real exercise seems to be going from the fridge to the stove to the table to the t.v. would probably not be able or inclined to share much of anything resembling an active lifestyle.

3. I've never been much on food. I do eat healthy, but food is simply something you need to stay alive.

4. To me, a woman who would rather feed her mind than her mouth is a hundred times more appealing. A woman who's library is larger than her kitchen. Who would rather fix a quick sandwich than a full meal, because the cooking and cleaning up afterwards would take too much time away from her own creativity. Who would save the big meals for special occausions and even then, be wishing someone would be doing the cooking because she would rather be talking and listening.

5. There's a 99% chance a woman like this, whom I would find very appealing, is not going to weigh more than I do.

6. Feed your soul first. Then your heart. Then your mind. Then, if you're still hungry, feed your mouth.

Later,

Artra

posted 01-03-2001 12:51 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by actsoblonde:
Uh, well, I got an, um, INTERESTING phone call from Brett. I guess that my friend's been telling him what I've been saying about him and how I'm trying to get her to eat and drink. So, Brett called me a few minutes ago yelling and carrying on, asking me why I was trying to interfere with my friend losing weight. I told him I didn't care if she lost weight, but she's going about it the wrong way. I told him now she's making herself vomit. Brett laughed when i said that. "Good for her. If she wants to be bulimic, let her. At least she won't be a cow anymore!" I cussed him out because I got so pissed, and than hung up on him. What a JERK!!!! He'd better be glad he was on the phone and is out of town for a week, otherwise I would beat his a**!!! Okay, I better calm myself down before this beer bash tonight.

---

Oh, and in case you had any doubts, do you think maybe your friend enjoys stirring up a little drama?

Don't do anything to "try" to make your friend eat or drink. That's her business. Just put her in situations where eating and drinking are unavoidable.

If she says, "I don't want to eat", then just say, "Okay, no problem. You don't mind if I eat, do you?"

posted 01-03-2001 01:01 PM            

He probably made a reference to her weight.

She probably said something like, "well, what, do you want me to be anorexic?"

He probably said something like, "If it makes you lose weight, why not?"

Right now, she's going through the motions, and wailing loudly to you.

You're telling her not to do it.

She's relaying the information back to her boyfriend because she isn't adult enough to simply say that she thinks he's full of crap.

She's hoping this will make him feel guilty.

She's also manipulating the living hell out of you.

I'd be careful with this "friend" if I were you. Try and detatch to some degree. Realize that her "crisis" are 99% inspiration and only 1% perspiration.

She's a drama queen and wants the trappings of martyrdom without the heavy lifting involved. She wants you to help with the little light lifting she's doing.

posted 01-03-2001 01:04 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by actsoblonde:
My friend called a few minutes after Brett did. "Why did you cuss him out?! What did he ever do to YOU?! You are RUINING our relationship!" my friend screamed at me. I hung up on her, like you told me to do, Falcon. She hasn't called back yet--probably too pissed off. Oh, well. She can get over it.

---

Yeah, that one was easy to see.

She'll call back. Remember, don't get emotional. She's feeding off the excess emotion in the situation.

Just say, "You know, you're my friend. I love you like nobody's business. Brett... well, I could do without him. I think you could do better, but if you want to be with him, I can't stop ya. The good news is that I'm not making you chose. You can have your buddy, me, and you can date whomever you chose. So, you've got the best of all worlds. Why not take advantage of the situation?"

Make it clear to her that you're sorry if she and Brett have been having troubles, and you won't interfere in their relationship. What's between Brett and her is her business. You're just there as a friend, no matter what.

The best part of this line of reasoning is that it's the truth, isn't it? Really?

posted 01-03-2001 01:06 PM            

LOLOLOL

posted 01-03-2001 01:07 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ARTRA:
Well, you won't get fat spending all your time posting long replies. You're keeping your hands away from the cheesecake this way.

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Oh no, I can type with one hand. Cheesecake, here I come!!!

posted 01-03-2001 01:11 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by actsoblonde:
My friend called. She said she's really in pain. Her head and stomach hurt. I asked her what she wanted me to do about it. She said she didn't know. I told her if she was just going to complain about something I couldn't do, than to quit calling me unless she needed a ride to the hospital or something. She yelled in a really sarcastic tone that she thought I was her best friend. I told her I was. She told me good friends care about each other. I told her I did, but that if she won't get help, than it's beyond my control. After that, she said she was going to puke and hung up on me.

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You know, I hate to say this, but she's in pain after only one day of no food? Bullshit--hungry? Yeah. Hurting? Not likely, unless she's got the ulcerated stomach from hell. Take it from the former queen of starvation--your "friend" is tugging your chain. Tell her to puke her silly guts out. Gotta ask, though--what on earth is she planning on puking? Ask her that--what's she hiding in that flat little belly of hers that she could bring up?

I'm sorry, this is a stupid game, and your little buddy is a manipulative shit.

Kris