posted 01-04-2001 12:17 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ARTRA:

I suppose, in my stupid way, I was trying to tell whoever was listening here that some men are less concerned about superficial beauty and more concerned with inner beauty and my idea of inner beauty has much to do with the quest for knowledge.

Goodbye, my friend.
No more post here.

[/B]

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I'm sorry Artra, but this was your original post, and it seems to me that you only care about inner beauty when it comes to friends, in a soulmate you believed superficial beauty mattered.

See for yourself:

quote:

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Originally posted by ARTRA:
With friends I wouldn't care what size or what weight a woman is.
But in a relationship that is also physical and hopefully long-term (even soul-mate stuff) weight could be a problem sometimes because:
1. Although I'm a well-read, creative man, I also maintain an active lifestyle. And would hope that this woman, this love of my life, would also be inclined to take care of herself physically. You know, the outdoors? Hiking, camping, skating, tennis, long walks along the beach, soccer, hang gliding (well, it could happen), skateboarding, jogging?
Indoors? Long, slow (can you handle an hour?)passionate lovemaking?
2. And a woman who's only real exercise seems to be going from the fridge to the stove to the table to the t.v. would probably not be able or inclined to share much of anything resembling an active lifestyle.
3. I've never been much on food. I do eat healthy, but food is simply something you need to stay alive.
4. To me, a woman who would rather feed her mind than her mouth is a hundred times more appealing. A woman who's library is larger than her kitchen. Who would rather fix a quick sandwich than a full meal, because the cooking and cleaning up afterwards would take too much time away from her own creativity. Who would save the big meals for special occausions and even then, be wishing someone would be doing the cooking because she would rather be talking and listening.
5. There's a 99% chance a woman like this, whom I would find very appealing, is not going to weigh more than I do.
6. Feed your soul first. Then your heart. Then your mind. Then, if you're still hungry, feed your mouth.
Later,
Artra

[/B]

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posted 01-04-2001 05:42 AM            

School of hard knocks.

<<as far as I'm concerned, once it's real, then I'll deal with it>>

Personally, I’m with Sachet on this one. There’s always been something at least a little fishy about this. That’s why I asked if this were really a “friend” we’re talking about. Also, I asked at one point if this was for real. The responses are… well… sorta flighty (no offense, soblonde… let’s just say you live up to your name.)

In any event, Soblonde needs to see a counselor and some therapy wouldn’t be the worst thing. No two ways about that. Whether or not her friend exists, and whether or not this is a put-on, Soblonde has some issues.

So, why am I doing this if I think it may be fake? Because… well… because it’s sort of fun. There aren’t any other interesting strings and this one provided a day’s entertainment.

posted 01-04-2001 10:00 AM            

So, Kris and Lady, whaddaya say? You impress me as too classy for this sort of thing, which means it's even MORE important that you show up.

Well, here's the answer: weight matters because if you're too heavy you might poke holes in the tarp. So, if you're heavy, make sure you have no sharp edges.<<

ROFL! Sadly, I am a fierce monogamist. However, I have a wicked voyeuristic streak, and I'm damned handy with a camcorder. Oh, and I make a mean streusel. Am I still invited?

posted 01-04-2001 10:05 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Falcon:
Originally posted by cmclippe:
[b] I think it's important to realize these are "images". The photographs in PLAYBOY and VOGUE are manipulated. Literally. Legs are stretched, the whole image distorted. It's not real.

Oh man, that reminds me of something I saw on the discovery channel. (NO! Not THAT!)

Anyway, they showed how much manipulation an image goes through before publication. Legs are lengthened by as much as 50%. Pupils are completely dialated. "Manipulation" doesn't even begin to describe it.

[This message has been edited by Falcon (edited 01-03-2001).][/B]

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I actually sent an article around to self-doubting friends concerning this very thing. Of special interest were the pretty actors and actresses who are so airbrushed and computer enhanced before making the cover of a mag that you'd hardly recognize them if you saw them on the street. A friend wailing, "But you never see an actress or a model with stretchmarks after pregnancy!" Of course you don't--and if you had your own personal graphics crew, you wouldn't have them, either--at least not in print.

Kris

posted 01-04-2001 10:07 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by trawma:
>>(I think I hear the loud clicking sound of several women being turned off by my perverse sense of humor.)

So, Kris and Lady, whaddaya say? You impress me as too classy for this sort of thing, which means it's even MORE important that you show up.

Well, here's the answer: weight matters because if you're too heavy you might poke holes in the tarp. So, if you're heavy, make sure you have no sharp edges.<<

ROFL! Sadly, I am a fierce monogamist. However, I have a wicked voyeuristic streak, and I'm damned handy with a camcorder. Oh, and I make a mean streusel. Am I still invited?

Kris

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Oh god yes!

posted 01-04-2001 10:08 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by cmclippe:
Always the spoilsport, I have to point out the honey gonna make spinning the Twister-game whatyamacallit tough. Think you should stick with the oil.

Can we change that to KY though? It's better on the latex.

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Oh, come on, guys! ASTROGLIDE! Even the name makes ya wet!

Ahem. Damn, was that me?

posted 01-04-2001 10:11 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by trawma:
>>(I think I hear the loud clicking sound of several women being turned off by my perverse sense of humor.)

So, Kris and Lady, whaddaya say? You impress me as too classy for this sort of thing, which means it's even MORE important that you show up.

Well, here's the answer: weight matters because if you're too heavy you might poke holes in the tarp. So, if you're heavy, make sure you have no sharp edges.<<

ROFL! Sadly, I am a fierce monogamist. However, I have a wicked voyeuristic streak, and I'm damned handy with a camcorder. Oh, and I make a mean streusel. Am I still invited?

Kris

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What do you think Falcon, should the event be taped for prosperity? Hey I love streusel so as far as I'm concerned your in Kris, and the fact that you won't be participating in the fun leaves more guys for me.

posted 01-04-2001 10:13 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by trawma:
Oh, come on, guys! ASTROGLIDE! Even the name makes ya wet!

Ahem. Damn, was that me?

Kris

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posted 01-04-2001 10:15 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sweetmelliemel:
What do you think Falcon, should the event be taped for prosperity?

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Yes, in the true spirit of greenlight, it should.

Also, she didn't say she wouldn't participate, just that she's monogamous. So, her hubby is invited, too.

posted 01-04-2001 10:20 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Falcon:
Yes, in the true spirit of greenlight, it should.

Also, she didn't say she wouldn't participate, just that she's monogamous. So, her hubby is invited, too.

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Well the more the merrier!

posted 01-04-2001 11:12 AM            

Started working at a hospital & totally got into nutrition, and decided to end the madness. It was an epiphany. Food would be around forever.

My weight is probably Kate Winslet-ish now. Pretty lean, but without jutting collarbone. I feel good.

Funny thing is, my boyfriend thinks I'm like a Renaissance painting w/ a 'womanly body' but steals glances at the size 2s and 4s. He says I'm fine, but there is kind of this status quo 'ideal' that has zero body fat.

Men are v. visual, whether or not they have a full understanding of their psyches & how bony women came into their consciousness. It doesn't matter how a woman gets skinny, as long as she's skinny. It seems adolescent to me, the androgynous form.

posted 01-04-2001 01:17 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Sachet:
Actsoblonde, did your friend ever post in the Affleck.com Common Room under the moniker of BensJen? This chick was absolutely obsessed about having broken up with a guy named Brett. Everyone tried giving her sympathy and sound advice but she wanted none of it. She sounds much like you're friend. And there can't be that many Brett's out there.

Listen to every word Falcon has given you. He's right on the money. And I've got the credentials to back that up! The fact that you aren't listening to him, and are keeping the story going makes me think that you're either a fake and are putting everyone on, or are just as screwed-up as your friend, only on the other side of the co-dependent equation. If you weren't, you'd be listening to more of the good and consistent advice you've been given. The fact that you aren't makes me wonder.

And ARTRA, dear... Alas, we are not soulmates. I don't like all that outdoor stuff that you do. Occassionally, but not as a regular thing. Skateboarding? Hiking? Hang gliding? I don't think so. Windsailing in Kauai, that I'm up for but not the rest.

I'm more of a homebody and an artist. I like to talk and am more interested in spirituality than activity. And while I'm not a fatty by any means, I most certainly could stand to lose a few pounds--around 20 or so.

And for me, food isn't just a necessary ingredient for living; it has meaning both socially and aesthetically. I'm a good cook and I'm proud of that fact, (although I don't very spend much time doing it). It's certainly among my hobbies, however, next to painting, writing, crafting, reading, and thinking. I almost majored in home economics education, in fact. I like the domestic arts and am pretty good at them. Except cleaning. I frigging hate to clean!

So, alas, friend, you must seek on for your soulmate, for I am most assuredly not she.

And I fucking hate sandwiches. Give me some homemade soup any time!

---

Sachet,
Why would I be making something this totally DISGUSTING up??? Sure, I've not fully believe that my friend was a drama queen, (and I now know she wasn't) if everyone was telling YOU that YOUR friend was a drama queen, would YOU wanna believe that???

posted 01-04-2001 01:24 PM            

Actually, if she really HAS been puking (again--puking WHAT? I thought she wasn't eating!), she is the worst kind of manipulative drama queen.

I'm sorry you're saddled with her. Be sure to tell her I said so.

posted 01-04-2001 01:31 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by actsoblonde:
Well, turns out my friend WASN'T lying. After Clint drove her to the hospital last night, they checked her out and she's been forcing herself to throw up. Pretty, sad, isn't it?

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Well, Actso, all I can say is, a day of making yourself puke and giving your friends minute by minute updates doesn't make you a bulemic.

I'll stand by my original "diagnosis".

Your friend is f*cked in the head, but it's not an eating disorder that's the problem.

posted 01-04-2001 01:35 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Falcon:

Well, Actso, all I can say is, a day of making yourself puke and giving your friends minute by minute updates doesn't make you a bulemic.

I'll stand by my original "diagnosis".

Your friend is f*cked in the head, but it's not an eating disorder that's the problem.

Is she hospitalized? I mean, if she's bulemic, she should have been pretty dehydrated, even if she was only doing it for a couple of days.

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posted 01-04-2001 01:40 PM            

Hope you're feeling better about the whole thing.

If you have the time, though, seeing a counsellor at your college may not be such a bad thing.

You could just talk to the counsellor about this episode.

Just a thought.

posted 01-04-2001 01:45 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by actsoblonde:
Aside from her problems, my friend really ISN'T so bad.

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Actso, I hope you'll forgive me, but that's like saying, "Well, aside from the fact that I was decapitated, I really wasn't injured."

I hope your friend gets the help she needs--not for the "bulimia"--that's not real, it's not the problem. I hope she gets the help necessary to stop manipulating her friends and risking herself just to garner attention. I know what it's like to have a nutbag friend who plays these games. It sucks. Sure, she was great sometimes--usually when she was the center of everyone's universe. But when she wasn't, she did stupid shit like this. She didn't get help, and I finally walked.

Good luck.

posted 01-04-2001 01:47 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by actsoblonde:
Thanks for all your help, Falcon and to the others, too. I appreciate it.

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Well, I'm just sorry you had to go through it. Sorry for doubting you. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.

posted 01-04-2001 01:52 PM            

Yeah, but I see her point. She doesn't want us to dismiss the whole human being just because of some incredibly assinine behavior. I've lost my mind more than a few times, and my friends always stood by me. I've stood by friends while they went off the deep end. Folks are human. They screw up. They act like fools. Whadday gonna do?

I hope your friend gets the help she needs--not for the "bulimia"--that's not real, it's not the problem. I hope she gets the help necessary to stop manipulating her friends and risking herself just to garner attention.

Yeah, that's the tough part. Just as I am sure that her friend does not suffer from an eating disorder, I am also sure her friend is in rather dire need of psychiatric care.

She's probably got a lot of things to deal with regarding the death of her parents, etc.

I suspect that her hospitalization is due more to the fact that she's obviously making a plea for help, and is showing signs of dangerous self-destructive behavior.

Her "eating disorder" is pretty silly and rather transparent, but she's shown that she's willing to engage in physically threatening activity for attention.

So, the hospital is right to keep her under observation. You never know when a fake bulemic episode will turn into a fake suicidal episode, which can turn into a "this thing went way too far" suicidal episode, etc.

She's a person who needs help. I think we all agree with that.

posted 01-04-2001 01:53 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Falcon:
Well, I'm just sorry you had to go through it. Sorry for doubting you. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.

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posted 01-04-2001 02:15 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by actsoblonde:

Yeah, well, sometimes we just have to go through the kinds of things and learn something. Hey, "If it doesn't kill ya, it only makes you stronger."

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posted 01-04-2001 03:45 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by actsoblonde:

Yeah, she's in the hospital and they started today forcing her to go to a hospital counselor. They offered me and Clint counseling to, incase we needed it since it was such a big shock, but we both turned the offer down. I just think it's pointless and a waste of time for me. I'm not the one with problems.

---

Like I said before you go to lunch and you miss everything. I am sorry to hear about your friend Actso, but I am glad she is getting help. I am also sorry to hear that you turned down the counselling, because if for no other reason, it may have been good for you to hear how to deal with your friend from a trained proffessional who knows about the problems your friend is going through. Please don't take this the wrong way we all lived for the drama of your friend's episode yesterday, but you kept asking us for advice, people you didn't even know, and yet you keep denying that you should see a counselor because they don't know you and you have friends to talk to. Falcon counseled you all day yesterday, I think if you really do care for your friend and yourself you should go back to the hospital and see if the counseling is still available, obviously there are some things that you want to get off your chest. That is just my opinion though. Once again goodluck!

posted 01-04-2001 05:53 PM            

Yes! I most certainly would! No question! Of course, I've now lived long enough to spot someone this screwed up and manipulative pretty damned fast. And when unsure, I look for corroboration or contradiction.

I've also learned that when a bunch of people--particularly strangers--give consistent advice, 1) that's unusual in and of itself (the consistency), and 2) I'd be a total idiot not to give it some credence!

Assuming you're legit, you're extremely naive for 24. Since you don't seem to be able to recognize game-playing when it's thrown in your face, I really wonder whether you're mature enough to get married. You're just not showing a lot of savvy and insight, here, Actso. You sound more like a 16 or 17-year old than a 24-year old.

I don't mean to hurt your feelings. Really I don't. But you should at least start listening what other people have to say if not following their advice. Maybe if you listen to me now, you'll be able to save yourself some grief, later on.

If you're unable to spot your best friend as a screwed-up person, are you really able to spot a man who's the right one for you? You're track record here, isn't real great.