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Monogmay VS. Infidelity--a fresh perspective
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| Author | Topic: Monogmay VS. Infidelity--a fresh perspective |
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Egg Member |
posted 04-03-2001 03:14 PM
 
A few months ago, this topic came up and there were several different viewpoints. I came across this book, Playtime by Kim Corum, that not only challenges those "ideals" but sets a few standards. What it's basically about is this chick who divorces her hubby, then convinces him to stay with her if they can fuck other people. He agrees and she lives out all of her (sexual) fantasies one by one. (and in graphic detail --very hot!) And, in the end...well, I'm not going to spoil it for you. Has anybody else read it? I'd love to discuss. Here's the link to amazon: IP: Logged |
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julie Member |
posted 04-03-2001 03:21 PM
I have not read that book. But I have read about polyamory. Here is a site on it: http://www.polyamorysociety.org/ I wonder if more people thought like that, if life would be better for everyone. [This message has been edited by julie (edited 04-03-2001).] IP: Logged |
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Egg Member |
posted 04-03-2001 03:23 PM
Hey, Good site! I'm not so much into that scene. ;-) BUT I Do think that if people would let their go a little, the world would be a happier place. IP: Logged |
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julie Member |
posted 04-03-2001 03:25 PM
Well I am not in that scene either. I am have yet to find one love. BUT, I figure I better read up because I do not think a life long existence with one lover is something I could do. IP: Logged |
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Wintersight Member |
posted 04-03-2001 06:03 PM
I am totally monogamous...if the relationship has reached that stage. I don't expect a woman to stop seeing other men after one date...but if we both decide to commit I expect the commitment to be honored for the duration of the relationship. I guess I am more interested in one person to share life with than a series of experiences that add up to nothing. I am the type who hates the initial stages of a relationship...the newness...the stuff most people find exciting...I far prefer getting past that into deeper and more personal attachments... I strongly hope to find someone to spend the rest of my life with...I guess that is simply the way I am wired... IP: Logged |
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Egg Member |
posted 04-06-2001 04:29 AM
I think the best part of being in a long term is the fact that your significant other becomes your best friend,therefore, you are able to share whatever feelings you have reguarding these issues -- without worrrying about them leaving you. That's why I liked that book, Playtime, so much. The characters really open up to each other in a way you don't find everyday. It's very inspirational in a way. Most books have a main character who's neurotic and can't decide to anything. This book isn't like that. I guess the most important thing in any relationship is honesty. If you can be honest, chances are your partner will be also. IP: Logged |
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Sachet Member |
posted 04-06-2001 05:22 AM
My sentiments fall closest to Wintersight's. I think there's a level of intimacy and emotional intensity—a high even—that's only available through a deep and committed relationship with one person. Setting up ones life to experience an ongoing variety of sexual partners seems to me a little like living to eat. Sex is a basic biological instinct like breathing, peeing, and eating. In and of itself it is just another animal instinct to perpetuate the species. It's pleasurable but so is a good meal. Living for physical pleasure just seems superficial to me. Children are pleasure-seekers. I would expect an emotionally developed adult to seek more. A monogomous relationship provides both opportunities and challenges that enable a person to grow, emotionally and spiritually. When you can't run away to someone new and start all over again on a safer level, you have to confront your demons. And when you open up to that person, you are able fnd into positive qualities you never knew you had. This level of intensity and growth is just not available to someone who moves from new partner to new partner. Personally, I think that's more likely the reason that folks choose this type of lifestyle. And Egg, honesty does provide an invitation for another to be honest in return. But they also have to be able and willing to accept that invitation. Not everyone is. That's why choosing the right partner is so important. IP: Logged |
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Egg Member |
posted 04-09-2001 11:21 AM
I agree. Finding the "right" partner is one of the most important decisions of your life. I don't think I meant to say anything about hopping from partner to partner. I was thinking more along on these lines: Finding ONE person to spend the rest of your life with (as in the book), then, truth be told, be ALLOWED, if you want, to have sexual relations with others outside of the relationship (again -- in the book.) These aren't really my opinions, though they are very intriguing, it's just something that has always facinated me. IP: Logged |
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Jules Member |
posted 04-09-2001 11:26 AM
My Egg has no timer. IP: Logged |
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julie Member |
posted 04-09-2001 07:01 PM
Yeah Sachet, I was not talking about bed hopping either. I was pondering the concept of being able to have a lifetime partner, in a committed sense. But it is very much possible to also form other long lasting, and loving relationships with others, without having to sever the lifetime commitment. In other words. Why is it so wrong to form more than one loving relationship? I believe people can have more than one love, but also can honor the commitment to one life long partner. IP: Logged |
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Bad David Member |
posted 04-09-2001 08:13 PM
I think I'm going to leave this one alone.  IP: Logged |
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Andromeda Member |
posted 04-09-2001 08:16 PM
Ditto. IP: Logged |
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julie Member |
posted 04-09-2001 10:40 PM
Bad David, Andromeda...COWARDS. IP: Logged |
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Egg Member |
posted 04-10-2001 10:55 AM
This is just one more point. I don't believe we are all inherently (i'm sure I spelled that wrong) monogamas. We could all say... Dating back to the caveman days... Blah, blah, blah. I think it's in us not to settle down with one person. Sure, finding the "right" person is the big thing, but finding the "right" person who will allow you to be HUMAN is another. I, personally, think this is the REAL reason divorce is so rampant in our society. That's one of the points that book makes. The characters divorce because they want to have sex with other people. Obviously, if you've ever been in a long term realationship (I'm talking over five years here, not two or three months) things like this WILL crop up. IP: Logged |
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queenie Member |
posted 04-10-2001 11:01 AM
I've been with the same fella for 9 years. I've learned that sex is just physical sensation and doesn't hold a candle to the intimacy you can feel with a true life partner. I would never give that up to satisfy some fleeting itch. My old man wouldn't want to share me, and I wouldn't want to share him. That's the agreement we made when we decided to start a life and family together. It was hard for me, monogamy was never really my strong suit. But I've made a fair go of it and enjoy having someone who says and does things that I and ONLY I get to enjoy. IP: Logged |
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queenie Member |
posted 04-10-2001 11:09 AM
That's what's thrilling for me - That I'll know him in a way that no one else ever will, and sex is a big part of that - growing as sexual beings together and exploring sex, intimacy, and tenderness. It would literally kill me if he ever shared that with someone else. Kill me dead. IP: Logged |
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Egg Member |
posted 04-18-2001 10:30 AM
Q, I totally understand where you're coming from. Yet --however-- the whole "concept" of "infidelity" just seems to intrigue me. Just rambling thoughts, really. :-) IP: Logged |
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