posted 04-14-2001 07:53 PM            

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Since the "Anyone But Grroeb..." thread was mercilessly archived, back by popular demand comes the new, improved movie spoof/logline list. Enjoy and feel free to contribute.

We begin with...

PIZZERIA UNO MEMENTO
A pizza delivery guy frequently forgets to carry change, wear his watch and deliver the right order.

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posted 04-14-2001 09:39 PM            

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DIE KIDS

Remember that chick who Michael J Fox sacked from Spin City because Tracy Pollen got all jealous? Well it turns out she is actually a secret agent. She hunts down Mikey's kids and pokes their eyeballs out with red-hot pokers. Quentin Tarantino co-stars as an out-of-work friend of the director who cannot act.

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posted 04-14-2001 09:55 PM            

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NO-ONE LIKES YOU

Ashley Judd jumps up and down in her underwear for 90 minutes in a desperate bid to re-gain the audience she lost in EYE OF THE BEHOLDER. It's not enough. Marisa Tomei has a cameo as the biggest joke in Academy Award history.

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posted 04-14-2001 10:06 PM            

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BOMB-CATS

A group of actors, including Jake Busey, Shannon Elizabeth, Bill Maher, Horatio Sanz, and Jerry O'Connell, are given the nickname Bomb-Cats because they all keep starring in truly horrible films that bomb at the box office.

Jerry O'Connell keeps telling interviewers that he was in Show Me The Money. They throw cockroaches at him.

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posted 04-14-2001 10:19 PM            

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ENEMA AT THE GATES

Stalin overthrows God and spreads communism throughout heaven. His power goes to his head and he demands that everyone get an enema before entering the gates of heaven. Jude Law kind of likes it.

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posted 04-14-2001 10:27 PM            

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TAX WOUNDS

Steven Seagal stars as a balding fat guy who works at the IRS. He discovers that all the other guys at his office leave at 4:53 every day but clock out at 5:00. His stunt double does some amazing karate kicks to the head of his co-workers. They all straighten up and leave at 5:00. Steve gets fired for excessive sweating in the workplace.

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posted 04-14-2001 10:50 PM            

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KMETKO

After being attacked from behind by an intruder a young guy develops a rare disease that makes him think he is Steve Kmetko. Everybody laughs at how gay he is as he struggles to solve the murder of his wife.

The brilliant editing has the audience believing that co-star Jules Asner has straight teeth.

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posted 04-15-2001 07:25 AM            

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JOSIE AND THE BASEBALL BATS

After the premiere of JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS several aspiring screenwriters bash the writer of Josie to death with baseball bats. They then find the producers and pitch script ideas like hey we could do a film version of Who's the Boss or hey we could do a re-make of IT'S PAT.

The producers love the ideas and hire the writers immediately.

This film is very similar to DUDE, WHERE'S MY ARM

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posted 04-15-2001 08:34 AM            

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MYRON PRIVATE IDAHO

A charismatic savings and loan officer challenges racial prejudice in order to become the first charismatic savings and loans officer to own his own potato. (Keanu Reeves dazzles as The Potato.)

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posted 04-15-2001 10:07 AM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by rollerfink:
DIE KIDS

Remember that chick who Michael J Fox sacked from Spin City because Tracy Pollen got all jealous? Well it turns out she is actually a secret agent. She hunts down Mikey's kids and pokes their eyeballs out with red-hot pokers. Quentin Tarantino co-stars as an out-of-work friend of the director who cannot act.

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You know your pop culture. Awesome. Hey, did Tracy really get jealous? I thought they just fired the actress because they didn't feel her character was helping the show.

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posted 04-15-2001 10:08 AM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by rollerfink:
BOMB-CATS

A group of actors, including Jake Busey, Shannon Elizabeth, Bill Maher, Horatio Sanz, and Jerry O'Connell, are given the nickname Bomb-Cats because they all keep starring in truly horrible films that bomb at the box office.

Jerry O'Connell keeps telling interviewers that he was in Show Me The Money. They throw cockroaches at him.

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Co-starring Amanda Peet.

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posted 04-15-2001 10:08 AM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by rollerfink:
NO-ONE LIKES YOU

Ashley Judd jumps up and down in her underwear for 90 minutes in a desperate bid to re-gain the audience she lost in EYE OF THE BEHOLDER. It's not enough. Marisa Tomei has a cameo as the biggest joke in Academy Award history.

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posted 04-15-2001 10:10 AM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by rollerfink:
JOSIE AND THE BASEBALL BATS

After the premiere of JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS several aspiring screenwriters bash the writer of Josie to death with baseball bats. They then find the producers and pitch script ideas like hey we could do a film version of Who's the Boss or hey we could do a re-make of IT'S PAT.

The producers love the ideas and hire the writers immediately.

This film is very similar to DUDE, WHERE'S MY ARM

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Yes!!

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posted 04-15-2001 10:13 AM            

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APRIL THE 16TH

Murdered tax auditor returns from the grave to kill off those who don't file their 1040s on time.

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posted 04-15-2001 10:17 AM            

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HOLD THAT ROAST

TV chef Emeril Lagasse stars as a contestant on a futuristic deathmatch game show where he must fend off Roseanne, Rosie O'Donnell and the cast of Survivor in order to successfully carry a plate of meat from one end of a soundstage to another.

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posted 04-15-2001 10:43 AM            

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FUCK THAT TUNE

Pathetic past-their-prime out of work actors like Rodney Allen Rippy and George Maharis rip each others' throats out in this spoof of death match shows as they must name not only the tune but who they were having sex with, in what position, and what location at the time they first heard the song.

Surprise guests will include those same past sex partners who will verify or deny the contestants' answers. Each wrong answer will cost that contestant a body part. More thrills than strip poker!

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posted 04-15-2001 04:21 PM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by b-man:
APRIL THE 16TH

Murdered tax auditor returns from the grave to kill off those who don't file their 1040s on time.

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This one's my favorite.

What does he do to those that cheated?

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posted 04-15-2001 08:40 PM            

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AND THEN THERE WAS TONY

Tony Danza in a murder mystery set on a cruise reuniting him with the cast of "Who's the Boss?" (including his beloved Angeler) and also finding the cast of "Benson" there too. (?)

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posted 04-15-2001 10:42 PM            

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BEFUDDLED

The devil, played by what's-her-name the model, convinces loser guy, played by Brendan Frasier (he's much better in "George of the Jungle") to sell his soul for three wishes. But after screwing up all three wishes, the devil realizes this guy is such a bore and an idiot that she really doesn't want him in hell. So she lets him out of his contract.

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posted 04-15-2001 10:45 PM            

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COMPACT

Jodie Foster sits around with a great big compact mirror, which doubles as a satellite dish, for three hours waiting for aliens to appear -- eventually Matthew McConaughey shows up...

Hee... hee... that's a joke... I do think he's actually a good actor. I like most of his movies. And Jodie Foster has to do a bad movie occassionally or people will think she's an alien.

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posted 04-16-2001 06:52 AM            

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MENTO

Those kooky European candy commercials, spliced together into a feature length film and ran backwards.

SOTNEM, EHT REKAMHSERF!

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posted 04-16-2001 07:12 AM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by b-man:
You know your pop culture. Awesome. Hey, did Tracy really get jealous? I thought they just fired the actress because they didn't feel her character was helping the show.

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No. I just made that up. I never believe the "character isn't working out" theory though because half the characters on TV don't work but they keep them in there anyway.

FLAKING AWAY

A tale of a healthy teenage American bike rider who is obsessed with people with psoriasis. He peels sections of his skin off with a potatoe peeler. That one really ugly kid with the greazy hair and acne co-stars.

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posted 04-16-2001 09:50 AM            

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WOMB RAIDER

An adventure comedy about an abortionist with big boobs.

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posted 04-16-2001 09:56 AM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by rollerfink:
[QUOTE]

FLAKING AWAY

A tale of a healthy teenage American bike rider who is obsessed with people with psoriasis. He peels sections of his skin off with a potatoe peeler. That one really ugly kid with the greazy hair and acne co-stars.

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That's kinda gross.

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posted 04-16-2001 10:06 AM            

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ALONG CAME A SLIDER

The police suspect a serial killer is responsible for poisoning 76 people in the Chicago-land area. The victims' stomach linings are completely eaten away and their pants are full of diarhea. It turns out they all ate hamburgers (affectinately known as sliders) from White Castle.

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posted 04-16-2001 10:26 AM            

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CELEBRITY CONDOMS

Match the used condom with the celbrity who used it. Simple concept.

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posted 04-16-2001 10:30 AM            

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OOOOPS I KILLED MY NEIGHBOR!

The hilarious new game show.

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posted 04-16-2001 10:40 AM            

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Bring It Vaughn!

Former Oakland Raider, Vaughn Hebron, is hired to deliver 50 lbs. of potatoes to a Cuban hot dog vendor. The catch? He only has 2 hours to drive from Idaho to Cuba. Along the way he learns important lessons about tobacco, love and geography.

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posted 04-16-2001 01:18 PM            

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SMURFIN' LOOSE

Remake of the classic Richard Pryor comedy. Here Papa Smurf and Cicely Tyson travel cross-country with a busload of visually impaired Smurfenile delinquents.

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posted 04-16-2001 01:48 PM            

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TESS

A young woman is seduced by an older man.

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posted 04-16-2001 01:56 PM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by DenmarkDave:
TESS

A young woman is seduced by an older man.

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lol! (sorry, I can't help myself) This is my favorite!

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posted 04-16-2001 02:03 PM            

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SAY IT ISN'T D'OH

The Simpsons' movie is finally here! The future has caught up with the clan as they discover through DNA testing after a Bart-cloning mishap by Lisa, that Homer J. Simpson and Ned Flanders are actually brothers who were separated at birth at the wish of Abe Simpson who didn't want to have to raise two sons at the same time. Voices by Danny Devito and Arnold Schwarzenager as the older Homer and Ned.

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posted 04-16-2001 02:14 PM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by 2Questionable:
SAY IT ISN'T D'OH

The Simpsons' movie is finally here! The future has caught up with the clan as they discover through DNA testing after a Bart-cloning mishap by Lisa, that Homer J. Simpson and Ned Flanders are actually brothers who were separated at birth at the wish of Abe Simpson who didn't want to have to raise two sons at the same time. Voices by Danny Devito and Arnold Schwarzenager as the older Homer and Ned.

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This one is actually pretty good. Wonder if Fox suits are checking this one out. Better get cracking on it.

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posted 04-16-2001 02:16 PM            

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WHO MADE THE WEAKEST STINK?

Tom Green, the Farrelly Bros. and the director of TOMCATS go head to head to create the ultimate so-called "cool gross-out comedy" that flops big time at the box office.

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posted 04-16-2001 02:17 PM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by b-man:
This one is actually pretty good. Wonder if Fox suits are checking this one out. Better get cracking on it.

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You think so? Hmm. Maybe Marge and Maggie can really be aunt and niece and Maggie is either Selma or Patty's daughter and Marge and Homer raised her instead of the smoking sisters... ?

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posted 04-16-2001 02:20 PM            

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A League of there own

Girls form club to play sports. They have fun and win prizes.

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posted 04-16-2001 02:20 PM            

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THE WEAKEST PINK

Pop R&B; singer plays a woman cloned thrice and must do battle against her carbon copies in order to preserve her own identity.

Co-stars Chris Klein, Rachel Leigh Cook and either Usher or Brandy (pending LL Cool J's availability).

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posted 04-16-2001 02:21 PM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by 2Questionable:
You think so? Hmm. Maybe Marge and Maggie can really be aunt and niece and Maggie is either Selma or Patty's daughter and Marge and Homer raised her instead of the smoking sisters... ?

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Uh, quit while you're ahead.

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posted 04-16-2001 02:22 PM            

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POKEHERCUNTIS

Remake of the Jodie Foster vehicle, The Accused, starring Ernest Borgnine.

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posted 04-16-2001 02:24 PM            

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BRIDGET JONES'S DAIRY QUEEN

The Brits have a new royal in town - a Dairy Queen, which is brought to them by Bridget as a way to help make herself feel better b making everyone else unhealthy. After the townsfolk of London gain an excess of a combined six thousand tons of fat on their persons, they hold an old fashioned hanging at the gallows by the river. Renee Zellweger reprises her role as Bridget as Roseanne Barr plays the excess six thousand tons of fat.

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All times are PT (US)