My "I Mailed Myself" Journal - The Project Greenlight message board

The Project Greenlight message board

The Contestants Forum

My "I Mailed Myself" Journal (Page 1)

preferences | faq | search

This topic is 4 pages long: 1 2 3 4

next newest topic | next oldest topic

Author	Topic: My "I Mailed Myself" Journal
safetydancer Member	posted 04-18-2001 07:23 AM I thought that this publicity stunt was such a good idea that someday someone might want to turn it into a Movie of The Week, so I have decided to keep a journal about my exploits. I will start by quickly re-hashing yesterday's events. TUESDAY APRIL 17, 2001 8 A.M.- Got idea to mail myself to Singapore as a way to generate incredible industry buzz and media hype. 9 A.M.- Decided not to mail myself to Singapore. 10 A.M.- Decided I was DEFINITELY going to mail myself to Singapore. 10:30 A.M.- A friend in Toronto agreed to accept C.O.D. charges on my delivery. Even better, she lives down the street from Singapore. 11:00 A.M.- Bought some bubble wrap. And some bubble gum. And Cheetos. Three bags. 11:30 A.m.- Try to do a better job at keeping the bubble wrap separate from the bubble gum. It's confusing. 12:00 p.m. - Stole a brand new laptop computer that would allow me to have internet and e-mail access on my trip. Chewed some more bubble wrap. 2:00 p.m. - Found a courier that was affordable and reliable. 2:30 p.m. - I stepped into a cardboard box and prepared for my journey on the back of a delivery truck. The first leg of the journey would take me to Helena, Montana. From there, I was scheduled to fly to a place called Seatac and then to Toronto. Very exciting. 3:00 p.m. - The delivery truck broke down about 50 miles outside Helena. I decide to NOT mail myself to Singapore afterall. I punch two holes in my box and start to walk home (thanks to wf for the idea). 3:05 p.m. - I think I swallowed some of the bubble wrap. 3:15 p.m. - Decide I AM going to mail myself to Singapore afterall. I turn around and start walking back to Helena. 3:30 p.m. - I am MAULED by a bear. After straying from the road, I end up in some forest and get attacked by a large bear. 3:45 p.m. - I make it back to the highway, but get kicked by a deer. I'm tired. I'm hungry. 3:48 p.m. - I remember I packed some Cheetos. I eat them. 3:49 p.m. - Finish the Cheetos and still feel hungry. 3:52 p.m. - It starts to rain. A lot. I decide NOT to send myself to Singapore. I start walking home. 3:55 p.m. - I decide that it probably rains in Singapore, too. So I just better get used to it. I start walking back to Helena. 4:00 p.m. - I find a small cottage near a moor to take shelter for the night. I meet a kind old woman who agrees to take me in. In return, I give her some bubble wrap to chew on. We eat some soup and I go to sleep in her bed. With her. IP: Logged
backgroundgrrl Member	posted 04-18-2001 07:45 AM I sure hope she didn't hog the covers. Did you have a fire made from peat? I would ask her for three wishes before you move on. Also if you do some chore for her, she is required to give you a piece of valuable advice that will come in handy later during your heroic journey. So what happened to the anti-pirate thing? You saving that for latter? IP: Logged
safetydancer Member	posted 04-18-2001 07:56 AM quote: Originally posted by backgroundgrrl: I sure hope she didn't hog the covers. Did you have a fire made from peat? I would ask her for three wishes before you move on. Also if you do some chore for her, she is required to give you a piece of valuable advice that will come in handy later during your heroic journey. So what happened to the anti-pirate thing? You saving that for latter? The anti-pirate thing is still brewing. The problem is that I am anti-anti-pirate. In fact, I was thinking to do a little switch-a-roo with your idea. I would have it so the kids take the pirates hostage and then I come in and free the pirates and we throw the children overboard. It's saucy, but I like it. Thanks for your help. IP: Logged
backgroundgrrl Member	posted 04-18-2001 08:17 AM I'm all about taking ideas and making them your own, so you have my blessing. But, I am afraid that I would have to withdraw the offer of the loan of my own personal children. No offense meant, of course. And if you looking for a some sort of piratical name, I like the bloody hedgehog, since you will be covered in acupuncture needles and styrofoam. IP: Logged
AsRiaL Member	posted 04-18-2001 08:18 AM I couldn't stop reading your most fascinating tale. It was so moving I can't wait to read more. All the things you've been through. Kicked by a deer, mauled by a bear. I cried when you were still hungry after eating the cheetos. You give me strength just to wake up every morning. Such an inspiration. My heart goes out to you. My hero! IP: Logged
safetydancer Member	posted 04-18-2001 08:20 AM quote: Originally posted by backgroundgrrl: And if you looking for a some sort of piratical name, I like the bloody hedgehog, since you will be covered in acupuncture needles and styrofoam. That's better than what I was going after, which was "Pirates led by a guy covered in acupuncture needles and styrofoam." IP: Logged
safetydancer Member	posted 04-18-2001 08:22 AM quote: Originally posted by AsRiaL: You give me strength just to wake up every morning. Such an inspiration. My heart goes out to you. My hero! Thank you Asrial. I was hoping that my journey could touch the lives of others. In fact I'm beginning to think that this quest is larger than just me (not as easy as it may sound), but about all of us. If one poor schmuck from North Dakota can get into a box and go to Singapore (via Toronto), and get a huge Hollywood deal from it, then...then can't we all? Thank you for your support. I'll be doing updates throughout the day. Godspeed. IP: Logged
safetydancer Member	posted 04-18-2001 08:44 AM WEDNESDAY, APRIL 18, 2001 7:40 a.m. - I am back on the road. Walking west (I hope) toward Helena. I tried hitchhiking for a few miles, but people seem to be turned off by the box. I went ahead and made eye holes, too. So now I can see most everything around me. 8:15 a.m. - I think I'm lost. If I could find a gas station, I would ask someone for directions. 8:25 a.m. - My boss IS a Jewish Carpenter. I just realized this. My boss, Harry Goldberg is the foreman down at Lionel Construction. I had been working for him for about two months. Great guy. Super nice. This is one of those revelations that hit you when you are out on a journey like this. 8:50 a.m. - Just passed a gas station. But I'm pretty sure I know exactly where I am. No need to stop and ask for directions. I'm like the human compass. 9:15 a.m. - OK. I'm lost. I don't know where the hell I'm going, but I just walked past a sign that said "Welcome To Wyoming". I'm pretty sure I'm going in the wrong direction. 9:40 a.m. - Arrived back at the gas station. Stopped to get some licorice and Snow Balls and some Yuhoo. Thought about asking for directions, but...come on. I know which direction NOT to go. I'll be fine. Will check in again in a little while. IP: Logged
backgroundgrrl Member	posted 04-18-2001 08:48 AM How is your cash holding up? Those mythic journeys can be expensive. IP: Logged
safetydancer Member	posted 04-18-2001 08:53 AM Don't worry about me and my cash. I brought enough for two days. As you may or may not know, I was already supposed to be in Toronto (late last night). I can stretch out the money situation. If I have to, I can sell off pieces of my box. Thanks for your concern. IP: Logged
backgroundgrrl Member	posted 04-18-2001 08:56 AM It's just that those Yoohoos aren't cheap. Thanks for setting my mind at ease. IP: Logged
edgewyze Member	posted 04-18-2001 10:43 AM quote: Originally posted by safetydancer: As you may or may not know, I was already supposed to be in Toronto (late last night). It was cold on the sidewalk, where I slept, naked in my Chinese dragon suit, all night, waiting for you. I am peeved, ever so peeved. But don't think that I'm peeved, because I'm not (because you make me happy when skies are grey). Anyway I think I know the reason why you're babbling and lost and possibly rapidly balding: Faithdeer must have bit you. Be of good cheer WF, in my family we have a saying that goes back many generations and it is this: Rabies builds character. And I think that kind of raving/foaming at the mouth fits perfectly with the holy pilgrimage theme. Just don't soak the cardboard with your foam or it will get moldy. Oh and you should probably phone Goldberg and tell him you'll be about nine days late for work. That's how long it takes to get fully famous after you arrive in Toronto. I look forward to your delivery at the post office. The Grouchy Old Men troupe should be in fine form by the time you get here. They're sure to raise a ruckus. In case you don't recognise me naked in the Chinese dragon suit: I am the girl wearing torn jeans and a surreptitious smile. (when bright stones wink from the sidewalk I dream they are diamonds.) IP: Logged
rollerfink Member	posted 04-18-2001 10:47 AM I like to steal other people's ideas (it's a fun hobby like collecting rabbits and wet boxes). So I thought what better way to get a big Hollywood deal than to steal Safetydancer's publicity stunt idea. I don't like gum though so I thought it would be a better idea if I faxed myself. I'm stuck. IP: Logged
edgewyze Member	posted 04-18-2001 10:50 AM quote: Originally posted by rollerfink: I'm stuck. In the fax machine? IP: Logged
rollerfink Member	posted 04-18-2001 10:51 AM quote: Originally posted by edgewyze: In the fax machine? Yes! I can walk around but I am still stuck in the fax machine. IP: Logged
edgewyze Member	posted 04-18-2001 10:53 AM quote: Originally posted by rollerfink: Yes! I can walk around but I am still stuck in the fax machine. Well I think the only solution is to strap on a cardboard box and hit the road. Maybe you can catch up with safety. It'll be like a parade. IP: Logged
rollerfink Member	posted 04-18-2001 10:57 AM The fax machine is beeping. It is really quite soothing so I don't want to unplug it now. Maybe if I get an extension cord. IP: Logged
edgewyze Member	posted 04-18-2001 11:03 AM quote: Originally posted by rollerfink: The fax machine is beeping. It is really quite soothing so I don't want to unplug it now. Maybe if I get an extension cord. Maybe....just maybe...(oh my mind is working now, stand back!) We could organize a "Hands Across American" kind of thing, except it would be more like "Extension Cords Across America", and at the very end of the extension cords would be YOU!!!! Stuck in a fax machine! I think you MIGHT be able to steal safety's thunder and get even more famouser and swollen up than him! Except it would be like his is a Religious quest and yours is the quest of Technology so it would be like the GRAND PAGEANT of Science vs. Religion!!! As interpreted by a guy stuck in a fax machine and a guy in a wet cardboard box!!! This is big. Can I be your agent? IP: Logged
rollerfink Member	posted 04-18-2001 11:05 AM It tickles. IP: Logged
safetydancer Member	posted 04-18-2001 11:21 AM 10 a.m. - Where the hell am I? These damn rural highways are like labrynths! And I am now being followed by a badger. I think I can outwalk him. 10:15 a.m. - I'M ON MY WAY!!!! I just passed a road sign that read: HELENA 48 MILES. This is the best news I've had all morning (besides the fact that that rash seems to have disappeared)! Watch out Toronto, here I come! 10:18 a.m. - The badger is a lot faster than I thought he was. I gave him some licorice and I think he'll leave me alone now. 10:25 a.m. - Someone from the courier company I am using just stopped along the highway. Turns out they are looking for someone named Dwight Brody, who was supposed to be shipped in a box to Toronto the night before. I told them I hadn't seen anyone fitting that description. After noting the similarities, I wished him luck in finding this Dwight Brody character and once again went on my way. 10:50 a.m.- I can almost smell Helena! 10:54 a.m.- That wasn't Helena I smelled. I'm going to have to buy new shoes after this trip. 11:05 a.m.- NOTE TO SELF: TAKE OFF BOX BEFORE GOING TO THE BATHROOM. Lesson learned. 11:15 a.m. - My feet really, really hurt. 11:33 a.m.- That damn badger is tracking me again. But I remember seeing somewhere that if you play dead, they will leave you alone. Will give that a try. 12:18 a.m. - WHO THE HELL COMES UP WITH THIS STUFF??? PLAY DEAD??? That's the dumbest thing you can do. I laid down in my box, pretending to be dead. I end up falling asleep for almost 45 minutes and when I wake up, there is a badger INSIDE the box, with a dead varmint! I don't even know what kind of varmint! So now I've lost almost an hour off my trip and I have to share my box with a badger and a dead varmint. Maybe this isn't such a good idea afterall. Or maybe, just maybe this is The Baby Jesus' way of testing me on this journey. IP: Logged
safetydancer Member	posted 04-18-2001 11:24 AM quote: Originally posted by edgewyze: Well I think the only solution is to strap on a cardboard box and hit the road. Maybe you can catch up with safety. It'll be like a parade. This is the best idea I've heard all morning (except for the badger, who I think tried to suggest we split the varmint for lunch). I would love some company on my trip. If roller is interested, then come on down to Montana. IP: Logged
rollerfink Member	posted 04-18-2001 11:28 AM I found a six foot extension cord. How far away is Montana. I'm not in Montana now if that helps. IP: Logged
edgewyze Member	posted 04-18-2001 11:29 AM You are wise to realize that all your troubles are a gift from The Little Baby Jesus (tm). He is watching you always, with his great googly eyes. It's like in the ancient hymn: He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. Be on the look out for miracles. I think you may find a fish loaf soon. (Oh safety I am sitting in my apartment literally lol-ing....you are wonderful........I am so glad you exist in the world) IP: Logged
safetydancer Member	posted 04-18-2001 11:29 AM quote: Originally posted by rollerfink: I found a six foot extension cord. How far away is Montana. I'm not in Montana now if that helps. That's not going to do it, roller. You'll need at least 18'. Oh, well. I guess that's not possible on such short notice. IP: Logged
rollerfink Member	posted 04-18-2001 11:33 AM quote: Originally posted by safetydancer: That's not going to do it, roller. You'll need at least 18'. Oh, well. I guess that's not possible on such short notice. I have a 12 foot fax machine so I might just make it after all. IP: Logged
edgewyze Member	posted 04-18-2001 11:35 AM This is so exciting, I feel like I'm witnessing the birth of the two greatest manuscripts of the 21st Century: The Bible, Pt. II by safetydancer (although we'll probably start capitalizing your name after your Ascension into heaven) and Faxing for Dummies by rollerfink (although we probably won't have anything to say about capitalizing your name by the time I reach the end of this sentence. Yup, thought so.) IP: Logged
safetydancer Member	posted 04-18-2001 11:36 AM quote: Originally posted by edgewyze: Be on the look out for miracles. I think you may find a fish loaf soon. I didn't find a fish loaf, edge. But the Badger did!! He might be pretty handy to keep around afterall (or at least until Rollerfink gets here). IP: Logged
backgroundgrrl Member	posted 04-18-2001 11:37 AM Safety - my heart goes out to you in your times of trouble. The only suggestion I have is to make friends with the badger (hint: they like yoohoo) You know how most pirates have a parrot? Well The Bloody Hedgehog is not like most others, so when you ready to become TBH, you will have a badger to balance on your shoulder. That alone should get a 2mil deal. IP: Logged
safetydancer Member	posted 04-18-2001 11:40 AM quote: Originally posted by backgroundgrrl: The only suggestion I have is to make friends with the badger (hint: they like yoohoo) so when you ready to become TBH, you will have a badger to balance on your shoulder. That alone should get a 2mil deal. It's as if you can see me as I walk along the road in my box. the badger at this minute is perched upon my head, de-boning that varmint. I'll move him to my shoulder later, but he already ripped open my hand when I tried to adjust him. They are such good smellers. This will really come in handy!! IP: Logged
safetydancer Member	posted 04-18-2001 11:40 AM quote: Originally posted by rollerfink: I have a 12 foot fax machine so I might just make it after all. I'm no math major, but I think that will do it. I'll see you soon? IP: Logged
safetydancer Member	posted 04-18-2001 11:43 AM quote: Originally posted by edgewyze: The Bible, Pt. II by safetydancer (although we'll probably start capitalizing your name after your Ascension into heaven) You know, I have you to thank for this. For accepting my C.O.D. charges. I want to thank you again. As far as The Bible, Pt. II, I'm on page three. I think people are going to be very, very shocked and surprised!! I don't want to give away too much right now, but suffice it to say, Jesus doesn't die in this one (at least not yet). IP: Logged
edgewyze Member	posted 04-18-2001 11:46 AM quote: Originally posted by safetydancer: You know, I have you to thank for this. For accepting my C.O.D. charges. It's a small price to pay for Eternal Life. ( I do get Eternal Life out of the deal, right? It's part of my usual contract.) PS: Creepy Brent can't wait to meet you! IP: Logged
edgewyze Member	posted 04-18-2001 11:49 AM Safety, not to crowd in on your turf or anything but if you want this Bible to be a bestseller, I have two words for you: Swash Buckling. IP: Logged
rollerfink Member	posted 04-18-2001 11:50 AM quote: Originally posted by edgewyze: Safety, not to crowd in on your turf or anything but if you want this Bible to be a bestseller, I have two words for you: Swash Buckling. And denim shorts! IP: Logged
safetydancer Member	posted 04-18-2001 11:54 AM While I appreciate both of your suggestions regarding The Bible, Pt.II, I will have to kindly refuse them at this point. The sequel to what some consider the greatest book ever written, cannot be created based on 'what sales' or what will make it really cool. It has to come from a place much deeper than that. It comes from a place one can only find when they are stuck in a box on Highway 2 some 36 miles outside Helena. Besides, my main character is going to be a boxer, not a pirate or swashbuckler. The story is loosely based on the popular Simon & Grafunkel song, "The Boxer" (only with more boxing and fewer whores. That might change). Thanks for your suggestions and continued support. IP: Logged
edgewyze Member	posted 04-18-2001 11:54 AM quote: Originally posted by rollerfink: And denim shorts! with swashy buckles? IP: Logged
edgewyze Member	posted 04-18-2001 11:57 AM Well, can I play Garfunkel in the movie? He's such a surly ole' cat. I LOVE that comic, except for the graphic sex parts. IP: Logged
rollerfink Member	posted 04-18-2001 12:02 PM Can you give my friend Julio a part in the Bible Part II. He is very tired of people saying hey Julio where do you live? Down by the school yard? Perhaps if you gave him some catch phrases like "hey I don't live down by the school yard" or "outfield, infield, whatsa matter you!" IP: Logged
safetydancer Member	posted 04-18-2001 12:03 PM This is The Bible, Pt.II, most of it will be graphic sex parts. Sorry. I'm going to forage with the badger for a while and see if I can find any food. I'll check in later. Make sure you are still waiting at the post office. You never know when I'm going to get a lift, or maybe the courier company will send someone out to find me, like they did for Mr. Brody. I could still arrive in Toronto this evening. Can't wait to meet the grouchy men and your Creepy Brent. Until then, Godspeed. IP: Logged
safetydancer Member	posted 04-18-2001 12:05 PM quote: Originally posted by rollerfink: Can you give my friend Julio a part in the Bible Part II. He is very tired of people saying hey Julio where do you live? Down by the school yard? Perhaps if you gave him some catch phrases like "hey I don't live down by the school yard" or "outfield, infield, whatsa matter you!" I'll think about it, Roller. Are you going to make it out here or not? If you are, I can wait, but if not, please let me know. IP: Logged

This topic is 4 pages long: 1 2 3 4 All times are PT (US)	next newest topic \| next oldest topic
Administrative Options: Close Topic \| Archive/Move \| Delete Topic
	Hop to:

Contact Us | Project Greenlight

The Greenlight Forums are a place for Contestants, Reviewers, and Members to interact. We hope that you enjoy the community. Please remember, however, that use of the Forums (and use of the greenlight Site in general) is subject to the greenlight Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. In addition, while we're glad to see greenlighters pitching in to support each other, please remember that the posts you see here (whether about Submissions, the Official Rules, or other topics) represent the views of individual visitors, and do not represent Project Greenlight's views or opinions. For the final word on the Official Rules, read the Official Rules! You can also find helpful information in the Frequently Asked Questions area of the Site.