posted 04-18-2001 08:02 AM            

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MONOLOGUE----------

How would you react to that? When faced with that proposition, what would you do? I mean, there's only three ways that scenario could go - a good way, a bad way, or just away - period. Either way, I just didn't want to deal with it. But the guy's just standing there in front of me with this look on his face.

You know that look. The look of expectation of the inevitable, but with that annoying niggle of hope under it all. I've seen it thousands of times. But when he did it, it was different, and I didn't quite know what to do. He was like a suicide offering to jump off the ledge, but with the full knowledge that there's a net below left over from a construction crew. He had this complete "no fear" attitude that caught me off guard.

So, what would you do if the guy who's giving you your rented bowling shoes for the night tells you to "Shave My Poodle"?

Don't get me wrong, he initially seemed perfectly normal when he asked my shoe size and even commented on how tiny my feet are, which they are. He even told me about how tiny his own feet are for a guy - that his feet are narrow, like mine. And then he said it - "Shave My Poodle". It was that last bit which sort of left me stunned. What exactly is a poodle in his world, anyway? And do I really want to shave it?

So, I opted for way number three - I went away. I took my red, blue and grey shoes off the counter and handed over my navy business pumps and went on my merry way to my lane, and prayed. I prayed that he wouldn't follow me.

Thankfully, he didn't follow me. Well, not exactly, anyway. A few minutes later, he sent over this rather tall man with an envelope in his hand. This man smiles, hands me the envelope, and then walks away. So, I think to myself, "what harm could it do to open the envelope?" I opened the envelope. You know what was in that envelope? I'll tell you what was in the envelope. It contained a "Shave My Poodle" bumper sticker with a post-it stuck to it - a post-it which read, "Can I get you your tiny slippers in the morning?"

That was the point when I took off my rented bowling shoes and walked out of the bowling alley in my stocking feet - walked out without even looking back.

The next day, I went about my life as usual. In the afternoon, I told my therapist about the incident at Stuckeybowl - after all, it was her idea that I take up bowling as a hobby to relieve stress from my job. When I told her about the guy at the shoe-rental counter, she knew exactly who I was talking about. She told me that this guy told her ten year old daughter to quit school and become a Vegas lounge act - that she could make millions at it. Who knew someone could be so abnormal. I mean, should we even trust this guy to rent out shoes to people?

But I miss those navy pumps. Sometimes, I wonder if that guy wears them when no one's looking.

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posted 04-18-2001 08:25 AM            

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Originally posted by BJ:
LOL now write me a 'I'm so sick I should be in bed!' monologue heehee

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posted 04-18-2001 08:28 AM            

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Originally posted by 2Questionable:
This is more of a sight-act than a dialogue piece... just cough and sneeze a lot and rub your eyes and nose so they're red, and then hold a thermoneter under a halogen lams for about 45 seconds...

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LOL I just did my best sick face:
"Brenda, what's wrong???"
(weakly) "I'm feeling... not so good. I think I'm coming down with something...."

posted 04-18-2001 08:43 AM            

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Originally posted by BJ:
LOL I just did my best sick face:
"Brenda, what's wrong???"
(weakly) "I'm feeling... not so good. I think I'm coming down with something...."

Ferris Beuller, my idol!

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posted 04-18-2001 08:53 AM            

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Originally posted by backgroundgrrl:
2Q - I love your monologue. Creepy and funny at the same time.

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posted 04-18-2001 09:02 AM            

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Originally posted by 1take:
2Q, that's awesome. So Beej, you need a monologue? What is it for? I'd like to write you something too, then you can have two things and if they ask for something else you'll have two.

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posted 04-18-2001 09:07 AM            

But I think the deadline was noon EST today because the woman had to catch a bus to NY to do the audition... But BJ said she's gonna keep stuff on file, so write her a few anyway.