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Originally posted by middie:
Did you like Platoon?

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I read the logline for Graduation Day.
(That's a Chris Isaak song title)

So these two H.S. guys get back with girls from their past. Their past?--how far back--junior high or grade school?

And then they find God? I know dating can be tough, especially in high school. But why?

Just curious before I consider reading it.

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Originally posted by middie:
First, let me get this straight.

I read the logline for Graduation Day.
(That's a Chris Isaak song title)

So these two H.S. guys get back with girls from their past. Their past?--how far back--junior high or grade school?

And then they find God? I know dating can be tough, especially in high school. But why?

Just curious before I consider reading it.

Thanks.

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Originally posted by not that button!:
Dude, I know you mean well and it's great that you believe in your script so much, but you have to understand that most writers are bitter, angry, uber-cynical people that think only they know how the world works, that the world sucks in general, and the only way to get through daily life without a breakfast full of buckshot (Thanks, Papa!) is to desconstruct this shitty world and make everyone else suffer as much as they do. This applies to you because all you're doing when you brag about your script so much is daring everyone here to ream you a bigger one than anyone has ever been reamed before. And you don't come across as the type who can handle that sort of thing right now, so I'm just saying, ease up a bit. I haven't read your script and it may well be as good as you believe, but you're walking a dangerous path here. But then again, what do I know? Maybe the only cynical asshole involved in this thing is me. Anybody else out there wanna weigh in?

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Originally posted by not that button!:
St. John's Wort...freakin' hippies. Dude, you gotta lighten up yourself, although I do like the ennui bit. Except that I don't smoke, and I try not to drink coffee. It wreaks havoc on my intestines. I've been looking over all these posts, and it seems like almost everybody falls into one of two camps: the cynical, broken people who feel a driving need to write because what they have inside will eat them up if they don't (As Justina put it so nicely, it's like an addiction); or people like Kyle, who use their writing to learn more about themselves and to develop a greater understanding of the world around them. Which is cool. Personally, while I think both approaches are not just valid, but necesary, I tend to side with the cynics more, if only because they're usually funnier and they strike me as more likely to be good in the sack (all that angst has gotta find a release somewhere). Plus, I think cynics are truer romantics than anyone else, because there faith in humanity was pure and perfect enough to be crushed, and yet they still struggle on enough to bitch about everything, which is the surest sign that they still care too damn much. Hmmm...it's a shame that this is going on in a totally unrelated forum. I'd like to see what everybody thinks about my theory. Maybe I'll go post the highlights in a more high traffic area aometime when it's not 5:30 in the morning.

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Originally posted by Diana:
How old are you, anyway?

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If you must know Diana, I'm 20, and a young writer

But I will say, don't worry. You'll get at least three reviews. I know the waiting game is hard, but that's what it is right now.

And when you send the script out to producers you'll get more feedback than you want.

Are you in a writing group? You got a difficult premise and if you want it made, it has to be above and beyond. I'm not dissing or assuming, just giving a suggestion.

My script took a long time to finish and my writing group helped me make it good. Now, some people love it and some hate it. It's never gonna make everyone happy. But as long as you have fans outside friends and family, that's all that counts.

And yes, NTB, I'm a writing addict. And yes, cynics are truer romantics. I am a cynic who has worked her ass off to find God and love. Does that make me a recovering cynic? Maybe. But I doubt I will ever be what I was before I fell.

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Originally posted by not that button!:
Dude, I know you mean well and it's great that you believe in your script so much, but you have to understand that most writers are bitter, angry, uber-cynical people that think only they know how the world works, that the world sucks in general, and the only way to get through daily life without a breakfast full of buckshot (Thanks, Papa!) is to desconstruct this shitty world and make everyone else suffer as much as they do. This applies to you because all you're doing when you brag about your script so much is daring everyone here to ream you a bigger one than anyone has ever been reamed before. And you don't come across as the type who can handle that sort of thing right now, so I'm just saying, ease up a bit

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I'm gonna side with Mr. Button on this one. It's been my experience that the more time people spend chatting up their work on the boards the lamer the script.

Besides which, I'm really turned off by the idea of someone that young "finding God". Where does that put the rest of his life? Sounds a little serious to me.

I mean do you really wanna be throwing around the big G word at every opportunity? It's a good way to isolate yourself from a lot of potential readers and kind of a BIG subject for a little old script. This is not a poke at your script -- just my opinion as a potential reader.

Good luck anyway and maybe you stay as uncynical as your and avoid the fate of us embittered, old writer bastards...(but between you and me cycnical is a hell of a lot more fun )

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Originally posted by jben_evans:
If a girl dumped me like Lisa dumped River, I would've responded exactly like he did. His response was something I thought long and hard about, what he says is what I wanted to say, but I never had a girlfriend in my entire life, so I never had to experience what River does. A lot of times in real life, what we think another person thinks is completely the opposite. River thinks Lisa dumped him for a specific reason, but that turns out not to be what he thinks. The frustation he feels when he finds out she didn't love him like he loved her was what happened to me so much in high school and before that. It even happens now because I've been rejected by girls all my life. River eventually does fall in love for real and how it happens is how I wish it happens. The new girl in his life loves him and he doesn't know it when they first meet. That's what I want, for the girl to like me before I realize what is happening.

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Just a word of caution - too much hype can be a bad thing (think Blair Witch Project) and can backfire drastically. It's just the same as giving away too much of the plot or giving away the reasons the script was made in the first place (PR is key - the right amount versus what is actually stated in it). After reading your posts (which are half of the posts in this thread) I feel as though I no longer need to read your script - it seems to have been re-penned by your own notes.

You need new blood to pool from for this plea for feedback. Someone had suggested a script swap review with someone else - I think that might be a wise thing to do if you want someone to read and really review your script. Just try not to over sell the plot - let people read it and then give you an honest account of their findings. Simply give them key words to help find the script (I found it by searching with "grad").

Good luck. If you're looking for a script swap, a bunch of individuals have been doing it on the "Reviewer" boards main category...

It's actually not bad for the first 70 or so pages (132 pages total). I mean categorically unrealistic, sure, but somewhat entertaining. The dialogue between father and son though was laughable. And you might as well have called the black character Token insted of David (thank you South Park).

But this turned into a wicked comedy right around the time everybody started finding Jesus. There were parts that I honestly laughed out loud, and, well, that's unfortunate when you're not trying to be funny. Kids in bible school might find this interesting, but the general public will be sickened by the cop-out.

Your characters don't deal with their feelings, yet they have Jesus do it for them. As an agnostic, I find that puzzling.

And enlighten me, because you obviously have found Jesus. Does it really only take a day to accept Jesus? That would seem to me to be a lengthier process (no facetiousness here).

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Originally posted by franks&beans;:
Oh, and I just forgot. No matter what you do, you have to take out that Ms. Lovejoy bit. It makes no sense and adds nothing to the story whatsoever.

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Hey ever see that movie Three O'Clock High? This scene you mention, (the Ms. Lovejoy bit)is an homage to that high school movie and in fact my whole script is an homage to those crazy high school films of the eighties and if you notice there are few things that are zany, but I wanted little bit of comedy in there. There is a story to this movie and it is your opinion that the story is lacking and I thank you for your criticism. Thank you so much for that review, email me at buckbrown@hotmail.com and we talk more about this script.

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Originally posted by franks&beans;:

...But this turned into a wicked comedy right around the time everybody started finding Jesus...

...Your characters don't deal with their feelings, yet they have Jesus do it for them. As an agnostic, I find that puzzling.

And enlighten me, because you obviously have found Jesus. Does it really only take a day to accept Jesus?...

...But you should concentrate on telling a story and leave the interpretations up to the reader/viewer. I hate being preached to and I don't think I'm alone.

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Ok, now first off, it only does take a day to accept Jesus Christ into your heart. I know you're agnostic, but this movie does not even preach to you. This shows the characters and what they find (the interpretations I leave up to the audience), what they go through. Yes, if you know Christ you gotta work out your feelings with him first and Christ is the only who will get you through it. I know you have a different opinion and that's fine. if you noticed not every character finds Jesus, only River and Mike do. Sharon and Anna are already Christian. Eddie's dad, well we don't really know about whether he finds Jesus. And David and jacob certainly don't find Jesus, neither does Donna. Steve and Lisa already are Christians too. I wasn't preaching to you and if you notice River and Mike find Christ. The message is how they found Christ and not how you should do it.

p.S. Yes I in fact am Christian and I did accept Christ into to my heart in a day, knowing him of course takes longer. Developing Faith in him takes more than a day. Accepting Jesus is easy, but knowing and having faith is the hard part. Listen, frank&beans; it would be cool if you emailed me and we got to talk about this script a little more, I think it'd be fun, email at buckbrown@hotmail.com.