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Guest Column - Rob Pearlstein
Advice For Future
Project Greenlight Contestants
The Top 250:
Upon making the Top 250, you'll be asked to shoot a short video bio about yourself. Don't shoot outdoors during winter in New York City, especially if you're prone to fits of pissiness in bad weather, as you may say some things on camera that you don't mean. That said, I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to the creators of Greenlight, any celebrity actor/screenwriters involved with it, any and all members of the motion picture industry and their mothers, the owner of the corner deli whose espresso actually tasted far better than sludge from a Hoboken landfill, and my cameraman, whose head, in truth, was fully visible at all times and never inserted within a certain portion of his lower anatomy. Sorry everyone; it wasn't me, it was the cold.
The Top 30:
When you make the Top 30 cut, you will be notified and asked if you accept and would like to continue in the contest. The best answer to this question is "Yes," though "Hell yes" and "Fuck yes" will also suffice.
The Top 10:
If someone claiming to be Chris Moore calls to tell you you've made the Top 10, it's best not to respond with an exasperated "whatever, dude." It's possible that this person is not, as you might initially suspect, one of your friends messing with you, and this sort of unprofessionalism will probably not increase your chances of winning the contest.
Shooting Your Top 10 Scene:
Miramax will give you release forms for your actors to sign. Without these, an actor can suddenly and inexplicably decide to abandon your project. This will leave you no choice but to quickly reshoot with yourself in the lead role, acting for the first time since your performance as a wall in an NYU student film. Remember: always make the actors sign the release form before you shoot. (Not that this author can think of anyone dumb enough to have done otherwise.)
The Documentary:
The first priority of the documentary crew is to capture the contestants in their natural state. You may even find, as I did, that they want to film you watching TV in your hotel room. They may also tell you that extraneous sounds, like those from a TV, will interfere with filming. So if you wind up being filmed watching VH1 with the sound off, remember: act natural.
Your HBO Interview:
If you have a temporary blemish on your neck, even a small one you swear looks a lot worse under camera lights, know that the HBO interviewer will probably mistake it for a hickey, prompting an onslaught of personal questions about your love life. Wear a turtleneck.
The Screening:
If at all possible, sit next to someone with a really great script who has a much better chance of winning than you do and therefore a better chance of being filmed for the TV show. (I sat next to Pete Jones. Pete Jones! I even got his email address.) This way, even if you don't make the Top 3, when the show comes out you'll at least get some screen time. Screen time where you appear as a puke-grey, out-of-focus blob in the background, but screen time nonetheless.
After the Contest:
Any disappointment you have about not winning will quickly be eclipsed by the astronomical amount of free bottled water you'll consume at meetings with Hollywood producers and executives. (Sometimes, I sneak out a few bottles along with some Cup O' Noodles in my bag. Shhh.) During these meetings, speak slowly and at great length so you'll be forced to continue over lunch at their expense. But don't take advantage of the situation. Rather, recommend a simple, reasonable restaurant, preferably someplace with a one-word name like "Matsuhisa" or "Ivy."
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