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Pete Jones's Column
My hero growing up was Walter Payton of the Chicago Bears. Walter's favorite saying was "...when you score a touchdown, act like you've been there before." Unfortunately, when Chris Moore called to tell me I had made the Top 10 of Project Greenlight, I jumped up and down and screamed as if I were a cheerleader motivating the Soldier Field crowd after Walter scored.
For making the Top 10, Project Greenlight sent me a Dell computer with an Avid Express editing system, and a Sony digital video camera. With this equipment, I shot a 3-minute scene from my script. I spent a whole day shooting and it looked great, but it lacked the performance and soul I needed to convince Project Greenlight to make me the winner. So I grabbed my buddy Judd, who you wouldn't want shooting your kid's birthday party, and my other buddy Steve, and as a crew of three plus 2 actors we shot at St. Martin of Tours in Brentwood. The monsignor was kind enough to let me use the church for all of two hours and though it looked and sounded terrible, the performances were good and the tone was right.
Project Greenlight had set up this huge event in Los Angeles for the Top 10 and a limo was sent to take Jenny, Molly (18 month daughter), and me to the Hyatt in Century City. Again the words of Payton haunted me. Jenny and I sat in the back of the limo giggling as if we were two school kids pretending to be important grown ups. When we arrived, the documentary crews filming the HBO series greeted us, and I was excited that somebody might think my life was interesting enough to film.
My first meeting was with Chris Moore and Pat Peach. I walked into the room thinking it was a Miss Congeniality contest and wow was I wrong. The first question they asked me was "What the hell are you thinking writing a movie with two 8 year old leads? Don't you know there are labor laws? We can't do this movie." Needless to say, being Irish, I turned 500 shades of red and choked on my reply. I walked out of that meeting completely sure that I was finished. I went upstairs to my hotel room just wanting to be held by my wife as I cried like a baby. Again, wow was I wrong. At the time, my wife was ovulating and having baby number two was the only thing on her mind. For the first time in our marriage, I wanted to talk, open up, share my feelings, and she wanted to fuck. Can I say fuck?
They had a dinner for all of the finalists and I had expected there to be a real sense of competition. Instead, the room was filled with conversation and laughter. At my table, Katie Fetting, the only lady (too proper a term for Katie), wouldn't shut up. You would think being the only girl amongst the boys would intimidate her. Hell no! When Chris Schlerf realized that Katie was smart, cute and single, his annoying cackle shot up two extra flirtatious notes. Rob Pearlstein was also at my table, and I couldn't get over how handsome he was. All I could think about was, if they wanted this HBO show to take off like the Backstreet Boys, Pearlstein would win hands down. Brendan Murphy was also at my table and when the subject of favorite movies came up, I realized Murph was in a league of his own. I might be making this up, but I swear he was talking about the lighting and textures of his favorite films. I was talking about the great sound effects of farts in "Blazing Saddles."
On the second night, they whisked us away in limos to a theater in Hollywood for a gala event, the screening of our top ten videos. We walked the "green" carpet and the press asked questions as if we were celebrities. The best and worst part of this process was the outfit Jenny was wearing. The worst part was that she spent $500 on it. The best part was that I never saw her look more beautiful. We settled into the packed theater and waited nervously. The lights dimmed and our three-minute videos were screened. At that moment, some sense of serenity overtook me as I realized if I didn't win, there were nine other deserving winners. I was especially impressed with Schlerf's "Movie" and Murphy's "Speakeasy." They were clearly directors. Ben Affleck and Matt Damon (Benjamin and Matthew to me) walked up to the podium and Affleck did the best stand up routine I had ever heard. Of course it was annoying as hell because he wouldn't announce the top three. Finally, they got around to announcing the top three and Matt announced Brendan Murphy. Good for him, he deserved it. Then Ben announced that Evan and Barron who had written a funny, commercial script and were two great guys also made the top three. Again, believe it or not, I was truly happy for them. Then Affleck looked at me. The butterflies in my stomach weren't because he was so handsome. At least I don't think. He announced my name, and Jenny, who I had told to contain her emotions, started crying and kissed me. They took the top three away into one room and the other seven went into another room. As great as that moment was, my heart broke for the other seven because they were so good. Schlerf and I had talked all day about what that would feel like, and all I could do was hug him. But to their credit, they were all very supportive.
The next day we had to meet with the deciding seven. From Miramax were Meryl Poster, Jon Gordon, Billy Campbell, and Eli Holzman to go along with the LivePlanet guys, Matt, Ben and Chris. I walked into the room with advice from Pat Peach. Act like a director. What the hell does that mean? Like Katie Fetting, Meryl Poster was not intimidated by being the only woman in the room. In fact, she dominated. Right away she told me there were serious problems with my script, mainly that no father could handle the death of two boys in such a short span of time. I wanted to say that I had already changed that and that the script I entered I had not even had the chance to do a rewrite on, but nobody needs to hear excuses. We talked for an hour, actually, they bitched about my script to me for an hour, and when I walked out, again, I felt like I was finished. Reading the room, I thought I had a chance with Chris, Ben, Billy and Eli, but that not only did Jon, Matt, and Meryl hate my script, they hated me. I went back to cry in my room, but I forgot that Jenny had set up the lovemaking baby shack. It's not easy having to reproduce, but I focused and got the job done. Thank you! We then went to dinner with my brothers and friends when the deciding seven called me back. I went back for another grilling, but at first I was apprehensive to yell back at the criticisms. They then asked me to tell me how they should pick the winner. The people in the top 10 and the rumor on the Project Greenlight web site was that the winner would be the one who was best for the HBO series, not the best filmmaker with the best script. I was sensitive to that because everyone kept saying that if this were true, I was the best pick. And honestly, I didn't want to win because I came across like a stupid ass game show host who could pitch the show. I wanted to win because I had the best script. So I told them that. I told them to fuck worrying about the marketing of the movie and if they picked me because I was good for TV, they can go fuck themselves. Pick the best movie. I was emotionally drained from the pressure and physically drained from sex with Jenny. I wasn't thinking clearly, but I was later told the passion from that speech won it for me. Again, I left the room feeling like a failure.
Taylor, an intern for the HBO crew, knocked at my door a few hours later and escorted me down to meet with the deciding seven again. I was pissed because these high-powered Hollywood know-it-alls couldn't make up their mind and I needed sleep. I was ready to fight. I sat down and Ben acted as if there were more questions to be asked. But he had a shit-eating grin on his face. I knew I had won. Chris got up, handed me a cool, refreshing, and superior tasting Sam Adams (I'm a stupid ass game show pitch man, dammit) and told me I won. I had rehearsed this reaction in the mirror many times, but I just sat there like a sad sack of potatoes. All I could think about was that I lied to these people. I told them I would make a great movie and that I would be great. I tried to remember what my hero Walter Payton had said. "Act like you've been there before." But how could I? I was about to direct a Miramax movie from a script I had written. I had never been here before.
And so the odyssey begins.
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